A World of our Own | K.TH *COMPLETED*

Pain and Heartbreak

V's POV

After I'd pointed that apparently embarrassing but undeniably true fact out, Tzuyu had made some incomprehensible noise from her lips and had retreated swiftly under the blankets on the bed.

From between the white sheets, I could see the ends of her dark hair poking out from underneath— which made my lips curve into a faint smile.

I want her. I want her more than anything else in this world. Do you realize, Chou Tzuyu, how far I have to go to keep myself from making you mine every time you look at me with those doe eyes of yours? Do you have any idea how hard it is to hold back if you kiss me like that?

When I instinctively try to call her name, the slight vibration I would've felt, and the sound that should come out from my throat— never comes.

The realization comes so fast and heavy that I feel like someone poured ice cold water all over my body, waking me up from the dream my imagination created and bringing me back to reality.

Cold, cruel reality.

What was I thinking, for heaven's sake? I couldn't be with her— she deserved someone better than a mute. I'd doubted myself when I wasn't mute and wasn't stuck in this godforsaken hospital— so how could I possibly be selfish enough to try to stay with her now?

I was only a broken person, riddled with disorders and mental illnesses that had dragged her into my mess of a life and nearly gotten her killed multiple, multiple times. Whenever anyone ever got involved with me and my life, something bad happened to them. Something miserable— unforgivable.

I'd already been so selfish enough to snag Tzuyu in, and because of that, she'd suffered consequences worse than anyone could've ever asked for.

Slowly, I take my gaze off of the tiny little lump on the bed. She deserved a person who could give her a safe life, eternal happiness that I could never give. She deserved a person that was normal— was stable enough to protect her as well. Something that I could never do— and never will be able to do.

And as pathetic as I was, I couldn't even tell her.

Tzuyu's POV

When I'm 99% certain that my uncontrollable blush had faded down a bit, I peek out from under the pile of blankets I'd massed on top of my figure. Welcoming the cool air that accompanied the soft light, I glance over at V.

He's lying down on the bed, his back turned to face me.

Was he asleep?

Confusion rings through my mind, quick and uncertain. But it'd barely been a minute since the kiss— two minutes max. How could he have possibly fallen asleep during then? Did the kiss mean nothing to him?

Still puzzled, I climb off the bed and hurry to the other side, so I could get a look at his face. In my heart and mind, I was still denying that he was really asleep. That possibly couldn't be, can it?

It was. When I peeked over, I see both of his eyes firmly closed— shut so tightly that I wonder if he's doing it on purpose instead of involuntary instinct. I'm passing it by that he was dead tired and needed some rest— he'd just received a major surgery, after all—

When his eyes flutter for a split second and his gaze meets mine.

But then to even deepen my confusion, his eyes snap shut again. Did he not want to talk to me? Why in the world would he be acting this way? All of a sudden, a strong wave of bitterness and rejection washes through me from the top of my head to the tips of my toes, sweeping all the ecstasy and fluttery excitement I'd had away to the ends of the earth.

"Are you angry at me? I'm sorry for acting so brash— if that's what you're angry about." My voice is soft and sounds close to the brink of a sob as I mutter quietly.

But he doesn't give a reply, and I sit there silently, waiting for an answer as I count the long eyelashes that ring his dark eyes.

After a lot of patience and 627 eyelashes later, he still doesn't give me the slightest sign— or any sign at all, really. The painful bite of rejection grows even stronger as I shift off the floor, ignoring the sore ache in my legs for sitting on the cold floor for so long.

"I'm sorry," I repeat, biting my lip so roughly that I think I might have broken the soft, thin skin. Disappointment laces my words as I strangle my hands together
in nervous anxiety. "I'm sorry for everything. I'll come back tomorrow, if it's okay with you."

No reply. Not even a little nod to let me know he was listening, that he was there. Maybe he wasn't even awake.

What were you hoping for? I ask myself harshly as I close the door shut behind me. An answer that you knew that you were never going to hear?

Stepping out of the room, I catch a nurse that's pushing a cart filled with medical supplies down the long hallway. My confidence levels seem to drop from an average, solid sixty to a blank zero as she tries not to meet my eyes.

My voice tremble as I ask. "Do you know if there's a place where visitors can stay in the hospital?"

She nods quickly, inching away from me with every word. "Yes— yes. End of this hallway." And then she's gone before I can even say thank you, obviously having gone through the worst scare that she probably hadn't had in her boring job.

Bottom lip quivering like a leaf in the autumn wind, I enter the empty room and shut the door with me with a violent slam. Frustrated and confused, I quickly give the room a scan as I dry my tearing eyes.

It's a plain room, furnished lightly with inexpensive furniture. There's two long couches to each side of the room, a table bearing an assortment of snacks and drinks that I would've gone for if I wasn't so depressed.

Truthfully speaking, I hadn't eaten since V had gotten hospitalized— which was approximately a day ago. Really I should feel hungrier than a lion that hasn't eaten for weeks— but even the sight of food sickens me, sending nausea burning up my stomach.

Turning away from the table, I slump on one of the couches. I'm grateful that nobody else is here as I bury my face in my knees, pulling up my legs to hug them against my chest.

Then I think back to the instant that I'd gladly given my everything for to just experience one more time. I'd kissed him— and then he'd been so mad, that he didn't even bother speaking to her. He knew how painful the silent treatment was himself— and he would never give her the cold shoulder unless there was an absolutely good reason.

There was nobody on the surface of this planet more understanding than Kim Taehyung— nor was there another that hated to hurt my feelings. He would rather die than to hurt me, and I know that because he'd told me that with his own lips.

But then why would he do that? Why would he hurt me, right after he'd kissed me?

Heartbreak was something she'd never experienced before— but it was true that the first time was always the hardest.