Stay

The Fight

Charlotte

Knowing that you're pregnant might be a revealing, happy moment. But not for me. I was one kind of a girl that had a plan in my life. I wanted to be a professional ballet dancer, get married at age 27, and have beautiful twins. Now, it seems my plans are crumbling down. I'm so terrified to know that I'm pregnant. I don't even know how to explain it to my parents. I know they'll be cool about it, but I'm not. 

My mind is filled with the thought of being a mother. I don't know what should I do. I'm not ready for that kind of responsibility. I can't even decide what to wear to Uni and now I have to grow a child. 

"Charlie," Benjamin says, saving me from my own thoughts. "We're here."

I don't realise that we're already in front of my house. 

"I'm so sorry, Benjamin," I say, faking smile then get out of the car. 

"Do you want me to stay a bit?" Benjamin asks, standing in front of the door. 

"I'm fine."

"Alright then," Benjamin rubs the back of his neck. "I'm only a phone away if you need anything."

"Thanks, Benjamin."

I don't even wave like I'm used to. I walk straight to my house, looking down to avoid questions. But it doesn't work. The minute I reach my room, April is here. 

"Hey! Where have you been?" April asks, still laying on her bed. 

"Going out with Benjamin," I say, without looking at her. 

"Where?" April continues.

"To his sister science fair," I answer quickly, trying to keep myself busy by unpacking my purse. 

"Benjamin has a sister? Tell me about it!" April really gets in my nerve this time. 

"Do you have to ask so many questions?" I yell, turning around to face her. I can tell from her face she is shocked by me. 

"Excuse me?" April offends, her voice becomes higher. 

"Yeah! Do you have to know everything about my life?" I say, emphasizing it. "Is your life really that boring that you have to bug mine?"

"What is wrong with you, Charlie?" April frowns, clearly she is clueless with why I'm yelling at her. 

"Oh, nothing!" I can feel a stream of tears falling down from my eyes. "I just happen to follow your stupid advice to use the pill and now I'm pregnant!"

"You're pregnant?" April replies, moving closer to me. Her face turns into concern.  

"Yes! I am pregnant and none of this would happen if it's not because of you."

April gasps. "You blame me because you're pregnant?"

"Oh, fuck off!" I curse looking at her sharply. 

April doesn't say anything, she just looks at me with her confused face and leaves. By the time she slams the door, I'm breaking down on my bed, crying. I feel bad for yelling at April. This happens not clearly because of her. But I'm just so angry and confused and I feel like yelling at someone would help. 

I decided to pull my phone from my purse and try to ring Adam. His phone is ringing but there's no answer. I try to call him again and for the second time, he answers.

"Hey, honey," he says as he picks up the phone. "What's up?"

"I'm pregnant," I say with my blocked nose from crying. Adam doesn't respond immediately.

"You what, sweetheart?" He asks.

"I'm pregnant, Adam," I reply, trying to clarify. 

"Okay," there's a panic in his voice. "We can fix this. Wait until I'm coming home, darling. It's only 2 days left. Okay?"

"Okay," I say, wiping my runny nose. I don't say anything again to him. I just hang up the phone and lay on the bed. 

I don't realise that I've been crying myself to sleep. I wake as if it's an emergency. My heart beats fast and there is a buzzing in my brain and together they are as panic with jump-leads. I had the most frightening dream about being pregnant and lose my only friend. I wake like I'm hooked up the mains. No sleepiness, no slow warming up. Within seconds of realizing I was unconscious, I am on my feet, eyes wide in the already darkened room and I notice that it wasn't a dream. April is not on her bed and I guess I'm still pregnant. 

I walk myself out of the bedroom to the living room. I find a couple of my fellow students in the living room, watching the telly. 

"Margaret, do you see April?" I ask, to a girl with ombre hair. 

"She left to her boyfriend's I guess," she answers shortly. This is why I don't have many friends. I don't really enjoy a conversation with anyone except April and yelling at her was one of the worst things I've ever done. 

"Thanks," I say, leaving her again to do her business. 

I walk back to my room and pick up my phone, trying to call April. 

"Hello?" She picks up. 

"April! I'm so sorry for yell...."

"Just kidding, I can't answer your call! Leave a message!"

"Shit!" I hung up immediately, knowing that I've been talking to her voice mail. 

I throw my phone on my bed and walk around the room like a mad man. The worst feeling ever is when you're in trouble and you have no one to help you. The tears burst forth like water from a dam, spilling down my face. I feel the muscles of my chin tremble like a small child and I look toward the window, looking through the city lights. 

I lay down on my bed, facing the wall so no one will see me crying. I squeeze my pillow hard and begin to let my heart yank in and out of my chest. It pulls back in like a yo-yo. Over and over. In and out. I feel hollow. My life is crumbling in my fingertips. Then, suddenly, someone caressing my head. 

"Charlie," a softly spoken word comes from a gentle voice. "Charlie, I'm here. I'm here for you. Don't you ever feel alone, Charlie. People do care about you. I care about you."

Somehow, the voice of the man that I recognise calming the storms in my heart. I can't answer to him. I keep shutting my eyes, trying not to look at him. Just as I feel his tender touch on my head, I can feel the bed is moving and his hand moves around my middle, warm and soft. In seconds his body is moulded to my own, sharing his body heat. I know this is wrong, but I don't have any energy left to kick him out of the bed. Besides, he's so different. He's the only one that shows up when nobody else does. 

In the darkness, our cuddles feel like a little touch of heaven, warm, together, and cozy. I wish I could stay close to him longer. Finally, I feel like my wall stops crumbling down. The storm turns into a mild rain that soon to reveal the rainbow. I can feel his chest is moving behind me as he holds me real close. Suddenly, all my world is darkened, my eyes are heavy, and I'm drifting back to sleep, in his arms.