I Don't Wanna Do This Anymore

4

Gekyume is so cute😭💘

Jahseh's P.O.V
I just found out that my now ex girlfriend cheated on me with her "friends." I should've known the whole time. Here I am being loyal to her and now I look like a fool. "Whatever" I whispered to myself as tears came down my face.

I came to this hill whenever I'm feeling sad, lost, or confused. I named this hill make out hill. I had everything that I wanted to bring with me in my pockets.

I took out my razor, rubbing alcohol, bandaids, painkillers, cotton balls, my phone, and my headphones.

I began to cut myself and started to cry. I was listening to my playlist that had all of my sad songs because that's what I was feeling right now.

I didn't even hiss at the pain because I was so used to it. After making 6 deep cuts, 9 medium cuts, and 4 small cuts into my wrists, I took out the cotton balls and rubbing alcohol and pressed it to my skin making me hiss at the pain.

I sang along to my song quietly, understanding every single word that I was saying.

A/N: play the song in the mm now

I put all the things back in my pockets expect for my headphones and phone. I grabbed my journal and pen that I put on the side of me.

I began to write all my feelings down. I wrote "It's crazy you said you would never hurt me, but here I am alone and broken." I wrote some more and turned my music down and put my things away. As I was about to leave, I saw a familiar face. I walked over to her.

"Hey Shakira. What are you doing here?" I asked politely. It looked like she had been crying because her eyes were red and puffy and her whole face was wet with tears.

Shakira replied with "Nothing. I just came here because this is like my happy place far from everyone else. What are you doing here?"

"This is kind of like my happy place too." I said as I laughed a little.

We sat in silence for a while before I broke it. "If you don't mind me asking, why were you crying?"

She opened her mouth a little trying to get the words out of her mouth and kind of hesitating to tell me.

"Shakira, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to." I told her reassuringly.

She just nodded and said, "So, I had a dream that Bryson was beating on me again like I was his punching bag and he threatened to kill me. In my dream, he did kill me." She said with a few tears. She continued telling me, "The thing is, whatever I dream about comes true. I'm actually not scared of death at all. I would actually be grateful to die. I'm just scared because I didn't want to be killed by the person that I thought would kill for me."

"I know exactly what you're feeling. I know what that feels like. To want to kill yourself but you're to pussy to do it. To hate yourself at another level and just wanting to end it all. Being tired of people using you all the time. Just wanting the pain to stop." I explained.

"I started to feel so much, that I started to feel nothing." We both said in unison. We chuckled with tears in our eyes.

I don't know what I am doing explaining my pain to someone that I just met today.

I explained to her why I am depressed. She told me about her life story too.

"My dad passed away when I was only 10 years old. I have siblings but they live with my aunt that I don't know about. My mom took my dad's death hard on herself and started doing drugs and was in a gang. One day someone misidentified my mom and thought that she was someone else and she ended up getting shot." Shakira said, now full on bawling.

I hugged her genuinely. It seemed like she had to tell that to someone about that.

She continued, "All of my "friends" from before my current friends betrayed me. They used me to get my boyfriend. Bryson cheated on me with all of them, but I couldn't leave him because he threatened to kill me and all of my friends. I don't really care a lot about him killing me but if he killed Dani, Liya, Kay, Ree, Tiara, Jay, Ayleks, Diamonté, and Ash, I don't even know what I would do. Basically, my whole life has been messed up since I was 10."

She was still crying a little and I comforted her. We were sitting there hugging and staring at the sky for about 10 minutes.

It felt good to get everything out of my chest and I think Shakira felt the same. I don't know what it is about her—my thoughts were cut short by Shakira talking.

"I think we should head home now it's almost sunrise and my friends would freak out." She said as she laughed.

I nodded and got up and grabbed her hand to help her get up since her legs were numb from her sitting down for too long. She grabbed it and tried to stand up, but failed miserably because she fell because of no feelings in her legs. We laughed and she was finally able to walk.

12 minutes later...

I walked Shakira home and it turns out that she lives a 2 minute walk away from my house since she moved into her squad's house. When we were walking to her house she told me that she met her friends because she was getting bullied and they beat the girl up and then they all became friends and have been friends ever since. She also told me about how she cuts herself and then I told her about all of my problems.

"Bye X. I'll text you tomorrow maybe." Shakira said.

"Don't text me I'll text you, okay?" I said while chuckling a little.

She nodded her head and laughed which sounded like a "tee-hee." It sounded so cute. Wait why am I thinking about this. I shook those thoughts out of my head and said bye.

When I got to my house I sat in my bed trying to go to sleep, but I couldn't. I was up like an insomniac because I was thinking about Shakira all night.

I think I caught some feelings for this girl. We were alike and both felt pain and suffered from depression. I checked the time on my phone which read 5:39 a.m.

I couldn't sleep so I decided to call someone and ask them to hangout.

"Hey." I said.
"Hey X." The girl replied back.
"Can I come over? I'm bored." I asked.
"Sure." She replied with a smile.
"Okay I'll see you in a bit. Bye." I smiled and ended the call.

I opened my door and was on my way to her house. I was reminiscing until I finally got to her house.

She opened the door. "Hey X. Come in." She said as she moved out of the way to let me in the house.

1229 words...
TBC...