My Crown Of Shame

Suffocating

Your hands are wrapped tightly around my throat.

I cant seem to thrash around as my wrists are tied strongly to a metal chair.

Your love is suffocating me.

Its something I yearn for but yet I'm keeping my hands to myself.

I tie down my fate cause I know I have no choice.

I'm scared to loose you like I did everybody else.

I did something wrong, I dont know what. But i did and its slowly tearing me apart.

I know our love is in a friendship way. But it hurts.

Maybe I just dont know, maybe, like what happened over a month ago, maybe it's all just in my head.

That maybe I just want someone to be there for me. I want someone who's not scared to hug me. Someone who can see that im struggling with many others.

I started the year with 13 friends. Now I'm narrowing down to 4.

I dont know how they deal with me, but maybe I'll quite down. Maybe I'll back off. Am I to obsessive over them? Because I'm loosing people left and right. Although I do understand.

I cant stand to see them drift off away from me. So maybe I'll give them all a big push that'll send them to another galaxy far away from mine. I dont want them next to me if they just use me. I dont want them to be near me when they yearn for someone else's presence.

I hate that I cant be there for them. I hate, that I'm not good enough for them. It makes me feel small and fake. Fake when I try and meet others expectations and fail to meet them only to plunge further and further into the unknown darkness that sinks beneath my very feet.

I want to run away, make a new start with new people. But I know that if I do, then I'll just be alone. 'Cause I know that nobody wants to be near me.

So, I'll stick by your side. Till you snap your fingers and say leave me. Then I'll just go. I'll walk out of your life and erase your memories of me. Because I wouldn't want to burden anyone with my presence or memories

👋🏻