My Crown Of Shame

Jealousy, and a lame ass rant

You know what I hate?
My best friend jealousy.

He's tall, red hair, freckles, always wearing the cutest clothes. But he's so abusive. He's well known around our spinning world, just not in the greatest ways.

Jealousy in all my years had always told me to be possessive. To be angry when someone I love is being taken away.

Jealousy hurts, a lot. And I wish I didnt know the kid. He makes me miserable. He makes me wanna throw away everything and just throw myself at others. But I can't.

Not only is that rude, I know I'm not wanted. People tend to leave so quick I dont even have time to say their name before they disappear into the sinking sun light.

I suppose its just... normal? Although I dont know EXACTLY what normal means cause I myself am not "Normal".

But STILL

I find it funny how bad I am at socializing to the point I cant even keep a friend. Someone always gets hurt ( 99% of the time it's me).
When I feel someone that's close to me getting gradually farther away, then I just push them away completely making them not come back. Which, isn't bad. Just for me.

I think that it's good people dont normally socialize with me. It just keeps them safe, the rumors down, the masks away, and all the bitches away.

Ya know, I just realized I'm a natural bitch repellent.

I could just put myself up on Amazon for sale and say "Get your all natural Bitch Repellent Today"

I wonder how much money I'd make if I did that...

Huh

This was naturally supposed to be a different post but now it's just a long ass rant. Guess I kinda need it though.

Bruuuhh, in English today we've been learning the pros and cons on "Sharing our eMoTioNs" and our teacher had us write a journal prompt and write down what we were feeling. And so I literally wrote a giant ass paragraph on how I was isolating myself and he read it and I didnt know he was going to read it BECAUSE HE SAID AT THE BEginning of the year he'd just skim through. But this Bitch decided to ActUalLLy rEad the DamN thIng.

And I'm so fucked cause itll be like the 3rd time some fucking ass teacher told me I need therapy. And I'm all screaming in my head "BITCH I ALREADY HAD THERAPY WHEN I WAS 7 OR 8 I DONT NEED NO SCHOOL THERAPY." I May be a screwed up kid but I hate therapy. " Hello, my name is blah blah blah. We're here to talk about how much of a fucked up child you are and how much of a disappointment your parents think you are. Talk so I get paid."

Yea no thanks.

That's all I gotta say. I'll probably post something else later. See yall later 👋🏻