My Crown Of Shame

Her

A mere crush is how it all started.

For her.

The friendship we had created through others was strong.

Is it considered wrong if I fall in love with someone whom is my best friend, while dating someone I dont feel safe being around?

In other peoples eyes, I suppose.

I developed jealousy after I realized she fell for someone else. Hard.

She would ask me "How do I ask them out?," or "Omg, I'm so nervous. How do I tell them without ruining our friendship?"

It tore me apart to give that advice as it was our everyday conversation at 11:30.

Jealousy is how it started before it morphed into pure hatred.

I couldn't stand it. Me being the foolish person I am, i put her before me. As i did everybody else.

To satisfy others before my own needs was a daily task.

The day of the dance was finally upon us. She was going to ask her crush to dance, and then later ask them out.

I wanted to skip the dance, to just go home and curl up into a ball and cry my shattered heart out. But, I decided against it.

That if I did, I'd be giving up my long hard fought battle against her crush and my enemy.

In didnt want to give up. That I wanted to fight for what we had built over the year.

I wanted to stand tall against those who looked down on us.

But..

When the tips of my shoes tapped on the o so clean floor of our gym, and echoed through the room. I shriveled like a flower in the freshly set snow, under the hideous looks from all of the people I grew up with since 1st grade.

I slowly walked over to the small group of my friends and stayed put. I didn't want to move. All my energy had drained to the floor.

It was only 15 minutes later when I watched her walk through the doors in her blue sparkling dress. Her black heels clicking confidently on the floors. All eyes on her.

I felt sick. But was awe struck at the same time.

Time through the night danced along rather quick before she danced with her crush.

She came back with a smile on her face. But, it seemed strained.

The first words she said as she reached me was "She likes someone else,"

I was happy, but no, that's wrong.

I was sad. I was heartbroken that my friend was sad. Broken is how she felt I suppose. But, I was happy that my enemy was now unavailable.

A time for me to strike. But..

I wimped out.

I chose to comfort her.

The whole dance went put without a word.

But

HAHA the best thing is. We became inseparable friends.

Through pain and suffering we stuck together.

When the world dared to forget about us, we were there for each other.

Summer I didnt see her.

But, high school came around and we didnt want to separate more than we had to. So, we spent the time we had free, together. And over a course of 4 months, I fell for her hard. The funny thing is, I found out at the same time that she was 99% straight.

My heart broke in two.

And 8th grade repeated itself. I still to this day have to give my crush advice on how to ask others out. And it hurts so bad, but that's what I'm here for I suppose 💔