Limerence

Chapter 18

Jisoo's POV

I walked into my room feeling hollow and lonely. As much as how lonely I am, I still want to be alone without the girls because they are going to ask too many questions seeing how sad I am. I'm kind of relieved that Lisa is staying in Jennie and Chaeyoung's room. So I can be alone in this room.

I can smell Seokjin's perfume inside of this room. The dent in my bed is also telling me that Seokjin has been here. I never notice these small details when I was with him but now that I let him go, these details are choking me with loneliness. These details are telling me that I can't have him anymore. These stupid, annoying details are telling me that I have to go back to the restaurant and ignore his hurtful statements. Pretends that he is a perfect man that I thought he will be. Pretends that Seokjin can never hurt me with his words.

I haven't decided yet how am I going to tell the girls about me and Seokjin. If I'm going to tell them the whole story or left some things behind. To be honest, I don't want them to see him as a bad person. Because he isn't. He is just reckless and stupid.

And I love that stupid guy.

I thought my feelings can be gone once I decided to stay far away from him. But my feelings don't change a little bit. The worst thing is it makes me miss him more.

He left something inside of me that it feels empty when he isn't here anymore. How can I get over some things that I didn't want to do in the past in a blink of an eye but I can't get over Kim Seokjin after what he did to me?

I've been wanting to pick up his calls when I was in the taxi on my way back to the hotel. But I didn't. Because if I did that, is he going to see that he hurts me? Will he be able to see what was wrong? I can just tell him and let him get away with it but he isn't going to see what he did wrong.

I know that nobody is perfect. I understand that. The way Seokjin's parents were talking about their son show me that they adore their son. Even though they were worry in the beginning with his choice of income but Seokjin was able to prove them wrong by working really hard in this industry.

How his parents were worried about their son was connecting me with them. Because they wanted to know what was exactly they're dealing with. Big Hit wasn't as big as it is. They didn't want their son to be used by some shady company. It was their biggest concern.

They thought Seokjin wasn't going to tell them the truth if something bad happened. First, it was from his pride as a man. But also because Seokjin wants to see his parents be proud of what he is doing that somehow makes him never share his hardships with his parents.

Other than to protect me from getting hurt, the reason why his parents didn't want Seokjin to know about me was that they didn't want him to intervene with my information. I'm the only one to blame if his parents know about some insider information. I was like their little informant. Their insight into the entertainment industry.

If Seokjin knows that I'm actually close with his parents, he can prevent me to share some information. He can even hate me by telling anything to his parents about the industry. He also can threaten me to stay away from his parents. Even though his parents know that their son will not be able to do something ugly like that but they want to make sure that it will never happen.

The thing is I never thought that Seokjin would be interested in me. The first time he saw me in MCountdown recording, I didn't think that he could remember me. I mean we didn't talk. Yes, we bowed to each other but it was something that everyone needs to do every day. I don't even remember how many times I've bowed today. So I was surprised that he actually remembered that day.

What's surprised me the most is that he was actually sober when we had sex for the first time. I thought it was totally my fault that I let that happened. He was wasted. I should have pushed him away or slapped his face. But we did what we did.

When Seokjin started to talk to me in Inkigayo, I thought it was because of his friendliness. But it wasn't because of that at all. It was because he was trying to get connected with me again. He did that because he was interested in me. And I let everything happened.

Maybe I was at fault for letting everything go the way it was. Maybe I let myself go too much when I was with him. Maybe because I already know him from his parents that it doesn't seem so hard to fall in love with him. It makes him feel like he wasn't a stranger anymore. I feel like I already know him. I was just living my life. I just want to be with him because with the way he changed his girlfriends, I don't know how long he was going to want me.

Meanwhile, in Seokjin's mind, he saw me as an easy woman that says yes to all the things that he wants. Maybe that's the reason why he can easily think that I have a sponsor. Maybe when I told him that I accepted a dinner invitation from Junmyeon since I already have a sponsor behind his back, he thought that I'm going to sleep with Junmyeon as easy as I was with him.

Turns out I made the biggest mistake in my life. Not only I ignored his parents' advice but also I lost him.

My note:

Another short update. Sorry, I can't give you a long update. I'm not in good condition these days.

There are some changes in my life lately. I'm not going to be able to access the internet for a while. Even from my phone. If I can, you will know. I'll be on schedule.

I'm not going to stop writing though. In my next update, maybe you're going to get a double update from me. I'll try my best to give you an update but life hasn't been good for me lately. So I'm not going to make a promise.

I'll see you in my next update. Love you guys.

Sorry to disappoint you again. T-T