Limerence

Chapter 19

Seokjin's POV

I took the last flight to South Korea and I'm on my way to Bangtan's dorm. I called my manager asking him to book the last flight back to Seoul immediately. He was shocked because I wasn't supposed to back tonight. I planned it thoroughly that my manager was teasing me about it. Planning an event for our fans is a job that they praised me about. It's different for a girlfriend. I told them and my members that Jisoo is my girlfriend lately. They already teased me about planning an event for a girlfriend. What if I tell them the reason I was planning this event because I was trying to convince this woman that I love so much that I'm actually good enough for her so she doesn't have to need anyone else in her life. They're going to bury me alive with their laughter and never forget about it until the end of my life. 

My date with Jisoo wasn't supposed to end like this. I shouldn't be in a taxi on the way to my dorm. I should be in a penthouse room that I booked, together with Jisoo in it. Jisoo should be my girlfriend by now. I was supposed to go home with the biggest smile on my face and my relationship status should not be single anymore. But instead, I'm in a taxi. On my way to the dorm and need to drink alcohol as soon as possible.

My plan has gone to the drain and I'm still single without Jisoo in my life. I've tried to call her but she rejected my calls. I texted her multiple times but she ignored it. I understand the signal that she doesn't want me to try to reach out to her and leave her alone but I have too many questions right now.

I accepted her when I know she had a sponsor. I told her that I don't have a problem with that. I have been trying to show her that I did fine by myself. I did everything for her. Hiding our relationship as best as I can so her sponsor doesn't need to hear that she is going to have a boyfriend. Those bastards can a little bit sensitive if they know their 'chosen' person is involved in a relationship. They can turn into territorial bastard and Jisoo will receive the punishment. I don't want her to get hurt just because I wasn't careful.

Sadly, I made a mistake if she ignored me right now. I thought I did the right thing but it turns out I'm the one who's wrong. I tried to explain my understanding as clear as possible to her but I was left alone in an empty restaurant. And now I don't know what I did wrong. I don't understand why she reacted that way.

I don't think what I saw was wrong. I saw her hanging out with someone that wasn't supposed to be with a woman around her age. I saw him gave her something that's so expensive that it doesn't make sense for her to accept something like that from someone as old as him so early in her career unless he accepted some 'things' back. Or he would be an angel sent from the sky to be so charitable to someone that he doesn't even close with. Unless he is her family or her father.

But I heard some stories from my friends that their girlfriend lied to them. They saw the same thing as me but their girlfriend told them it was their uncle or even worst the guy was their father. Later they know their girlfriends were lying to them. Those men weren't their family or their father. They were their sponsors. I saw them losing their shit about that.

The reason why I don't have the same reaction as my friends were because I want her to forget her 'sponsor'. I tried to prove myself to her. I tried to earn her trust. So I don't understand why she is angry with me.

She can be ashamed that I found out her secret because that's something that I shouldn't have known. I should have to ask her if my assumption was right. That she really had a sponsor. But if she denied it and lied to me, it will break my heart even more. It did break my heart that she even need one. I want to change that and I don't deserve her to treat me like this.

The worst thing that can happen right now is that she actually didn't have one. If that's what actually happened, I can be losing her. No, I already lost her. If my friend asked me the same question, I'll just tell them the truth. It depends on them if they trusted me or not. I don't care and the other people won't care either. But to a woman... to have a person thought of them like that... like she gave the impression that she needed one, she is going to think that people think of her like a cheap woman. An easy girl.

If she doesn't have any sponsor, I don't think I would be able to recover our relationship. I don't think that she will ever be going to forgive me. Because an apology will never be enough.

For someone that has been used for their face or their money by his girlfriends, I've been hurt too many times. I was so naive and stupid that I told them everything about my family. At the end of our relationship, they usually found someone who is more rich and handsome than me. I learned it the hard way.

I've been holding myself to Jisoo through our relationship because I thought she had a sponsor. If she didn't have one, it means I was worrying over nothing and I'll be so angry about it. Because I had a feeling that Jisoo is falling in love with me. It means that she had a genuine feeling for me and I ruined everything by my stupidity. If I was wrong, I don't know if I would be able to forgive myself.

***

As I arrived in our dorm, I found Jimin in the living room reading a comic book. I know he is going to be awake at this hour.

"Hyung, I thought you're going home tomorrow." He said after he saw me. Once he really sees my face, he noticed there's something wrong. "What's with your face? You look upset."

"Jimin, do you have something to drink? I need alcohol." I said while I walked to our kitchen.

I can hear that Jimin is following me but my mind was preoccupied to even pay attention to him.

I searched through Jimin's rack where he used to keep all of his alcohol but it was empty. I went to my rack to find it empty. Then I remember that I put my bottles in the fridge downstairs. I was keeping it at the place where I spend my time with Jisoo. I stopped moving.

I don't think I can go back there in this situation. I don't think I can go inside our place without Jisoo in it. I don't think I can go to a place that's full of our memories when I don't even know if I should be angry with myself for being so stupid or angry at her for lying to me. But at the same time, I want to go back to Japan then bang her hotel room's door and beg her to accept me again without knowing the truth. Beg her to pick up my calls so I can hear her voice again.

"Hyung!" Jimin called me cutting off my thoughts. Oh, I forget that he was here. I can see through his sympathy eyes that he already know something bad happened in Japan. "Let's get some drink outside."

"Where's Jungkook? We need him to drive the car." I said.

"I'll tell him. He is in his room." Jimin then went to Jungkook's room.

I went back to search for alcohol. I've found some wine. I don't need wine. I need something stronger than wine. Yoongi keeps his good stuff in his room and his room is locked when he wasn't there. In the middle of the night, he must be in his studio.

"What's wrong with Seokjin hyung?" That was the first question that comes out from Jungkook's mouth after he saw me at a glance. Sometimes I hate them. We know each other so well that it's hard to hide something from them.

"I don't know," Jimin answered.

"I'll tell you after I get to drink something. Let's go." I said as I walked to the door and they followed me.

My note:

I told you before that I love to run away from reality. I love to go to Lala Land instead. It's either I gave you update or reading a great book that's making me forget to eat. Am I the only one that always hungry when I watch something but when I found a great book I can literally forget about food until I finish the book?

Question: do you prefer a short update with 1000-1500 words or long update with 2500-3000 words?

Have a great weekend everyone!