Attachment (Ashton Irwin/5SOS FanFic)

TRES

Ashton's POV

3:47 am May 31st, 2014.

Manchester was a great town. I did enjoy it here. Touring with one direction has to be the greatest thing ever. I mean, what more could you want for in life?

But for some reason, I'm not truly happy. Correction. I am, but I'm not at the same time.

I'm so confused with life.

I lay in bed late at night, or I guess it's early in the morning, contemplating what I should do about my unhappy happiness.

I come up with a few ideas. Now bear with me. It's been a crazy tour and I haven't gotten much sleep the last week.

One of my ideas is to turn into a female and join a circus as a woman who can grow a beard. And I die of laughter for like 10 minutes thinking of what the boys would say to me if I told them. They'd never let me live it down.

So scratch that idea.

We have a break in about a week. I could go visit my family. But every time I do that, I just end up coming back on the tour being even more depressed because I miss my family so much.

So that's not an option either.

I need to do something for myself.

I take my phone out and start looking at ideas of what to do.

I stumbled upon this quote, and got an idea of what I was going to do.

"It seemed an advantage to be traveling alone. Our responses to the world are crucially moulded by whom we are with, we temper our curiosity to fit in with the expectations of others... Being closely observed by a companion can inhibit us from observing others; we become taken up with adjusting ourselves to the companions questions and remarks, we have to make ourselves seem more normal than is good for our curiosity." -Alain De Bottom.

Now half of this quote didn't make sense. Most of it actually. But I got the gist of it.

I think I rely too much on others for my own happiness. I'm constantly surrounded by people. A few people who care about me, but most who only care because of my fame.

I need to learn to be happy without them. Then I can be happy with them.

I check my calendar for the dates of when I'm off, and next thing I know, I'm booking this 3 day train ride through Europe on June 9th.

What have i gotten myself into...