Trigger King

Chapter 47

CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN

I tap my foot on the ground. I bit the nail on my thumb. It was almost a month since something happened between us. 

I was buzzing with extreme frustration and desperation. I was fearful. It was imperative to inform him but what would he say, I was too afraid to even figure out.

We had a breakfast and every dishes were delectable. "Are you okay, darling?" Mama asked, her eyes full of concern, she was eyeing me these past few days with wariness as if she was just waiting me to crack and tell her what happened to me.

I wasn't ready for this. "Y-yes," nauutal kong sabi. Tinitingnan ko ang mushroom soup na nasa harapan, kung tipikal na araw lang ito ay iyon ang una kong kakainin pero ngayon ay hindi ko ito magawang tingnan.

My insides twisted. The smell of the entire dining hall. The musky perfume of Gustave that was so pungent in the air mix with Delilah's womanly perfume scent too. 

And our house natural smell, the citrus like with prominent minty scent. Seriously, any moment...I was feeling it again. Tumayo na agad ako sa aking kinauupuan at tumingin lang sa akin si Papa nang masama.

"What's up with your tantrum, Cherry Ann?" He calmly asked. He was so composed.

"I just don't have the appetite in eating." I took the scene before me--my mother's skeptical gaze. She was too curious, she already had the hunch but she didn't dare to confirm it from me maybe she was too afraid just like me.

"The last thing I expected is for you to be bratty for all the arrangement that happened, Cherry Ann." Papa said, voice firm and serious. Papa looked at me with a level look, his utensils still on his hands.

"If you want to act brat because of the wedding, it's okay. I will let you rebel. Pero hanggang dito lang 'yang pagrerebelde mo, dahil sa oras na malaman kong nagpapakita ka ng ganyang ugali sa harapan ng ibang tao lalo na sa mapapangasawa mo..." 

I shifted on my weight, uncomfortable on how he can easily threatened me with few words. "You wouldn't be happy, Cherry Ann. Van Antioquia is the best choice if you want to have a good life, grab it and marry him."

Napakurap ako sa kanya. Hindi makapaniwala na lantaran niya na itong sinasabi ngayon sa harapan nina Lilah at nang mga helpers namin. I nodded and Papa just leaned back on his damn chair.

Para akong sinuntok sa dibdib sa mga salita ni Papa sa akin. Lutang pa rin akong umupo sa aking Art Room. I remembered that on this same room, I first touched myself because of Trigger King, he aroused me and drive me wild and carefree.

Lumipas ang mga araw at wala na akong pag-asa. I was so sad and lonely. I tried to walk around our property to ease my mind from all of my burdens and I've noticed that the usual Castellanos Men that I encountered were long gone...replaced with different men again. 

They looked like a robot. The wedding would happen at the end of this month of September. I was going to lose my mind as the final day of my freedom was finally slipping on my fingers.

My stress level was so high. I always vomit and wanted food that was so foreign. I wanted to eat salted egg with a glass of milk.

I swallowed so hard as I stripped in front of my mirror and looked at the small bump there. Oh God. I tried to touch but I flinched and I felt I didn't deserve whatever growing inside of me...he doesn't deserve this miserable world.

Oh God. I breakdown and cried so hard. I slumped on the floor and cried my heart, all of the disappointing words that I've received...all the empty promises and sharp words.