Happy 2 months, Trigger King.
+++
CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT
Pain was all over my body. It was burning every fiber of my being. In the middle of my Art Room, I could hear someone crying and the cries were filling up the room.
"Mama," someone whispered. Voice so little. So warm...it sounded so tiny.
I was standing in my Art Room. The bump on my stomach still visible, felt real, beautiful. It was inside my body...my body trembled and I could see the blood on my legs...
"Mama," the voice said again. Begging. I didn't want to watch as blood flowed heavily on my legs, it was painful, so so painful.
"I'm sorry," I sobbed. "I'm so sorry," I sobbed repeatedly. The blood didn't stop from flowing.
"You didn't keep me safe," someone whispered. And I cried harder than ever. I didn't want to hear those sharp words...it was repeating over and over again...you didn't keep me safe.
His voice filled with intense pain. I can only imagine how disappointed he must be. "I'm sorry...I'm sorry," I said in-between sobbing, "I wish I've been a better person...I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I failed you, I'm sorry, baby, forgive Mama...forgive Mama."
"Cherry Ann!" My name was called. And when I opened my eyes it was already misty with tears. Mama hugged me so hard.
The white walls of the hospital room greeted me and I stared at it numbly as my mother continued to wrap her arms around me. She was whispering me assuring words but it didn't feel right. "It's okay, Riri...it's okay," I heard saying those words over and over again, but I felt like the pain in my heart was still there.
I was so stupid. Such an idiot to actually base my worth in my family and to him. They all failed me, and the worst thing was I failed my unborn child.
"Mama's here...shhh," Mama said as her arms still wrapped on my arms as I now sat at the hospital bed. "It will all passed--"
"Please go..." I whispered and Mama froze. Kumawala ako sa kanyang pagkakayakap sa akin. I looked down and curled my fist while crying, tears tasted salty on my lips as I continued to sobbed harder than ever.
Mama kissed the top of my head and slowly went out of the hospital room. The last time that I was here on this room was when I shot myself to threatened my father. It was all an act but right now...someone shot me and I lost someone too.
My mind was filled with what if. What if I take care of myself? What if I didn't focus on him?
What if I just let them kill each other? My heart ached so much. Parang gusto ko na lang kunin ang puso ko sa sobrang sakit na nararamdaman ko.
Mama, you didn't keep me safe. You didn't keep me safe. You didn't keep me safe, Mama.
"No, no, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry," paulit-ulit kong sabi habang tinatakpan ang aking mukha.
Ngunit hindi pa rin tumitigil iyong boses sa aking utak. Iyong tono niya na ngayon ay nagmamakaawa. Humihiling ng atensyon nang pag-aalaga...you didn't keep me safe, Mama...you didn't keep me safe.
The pain was suffocating me. I can't move so much as my body ached, but my soul was broken. And life was all meaningless now, they failed me and the that small bump was hunting me making me realize how pathetic I was for believing that they would embrace goodness.
I traded my safety for empty promises. My life for love that was not even reciprocated. It was all fake and worthless.
I was worthless.
BINABASA MO ANG
Trigger King
General Fiction(18+) He is poisonous. I know that. He is a bad man. I know that. He never claimed to be a good man. He is the Vincent van Gogh of my life. The one who would push me to death until I kill myself. He is my death. And my salvation. He is Trigger King.
