Autumn Boy

after a year in therapy

Why did you decide to let go?

Because I didn't saw any sense in my life anymore.

Every life is worth a fight.

You believe I didn't try? I think I don't fight?

Noo, I mean... you wouldn't say your suicidal thoughts if I would have tried.

You really believe I didn't try... Wow.

What? Why are you acting so surprised?

Because I can't believe it... but it wouldn't be aimful if I enlight you now. You wouldnt understand anyway.

Well, this is what I meant. You don't even try. You dont even give it a chance.

Oh, I gave a hundred chances.

I see.

And I fight. All the time I am fighting like a peasant in the the first world war. I am fighting as hell and I am trying.

Don't be melodramatic. I saw you don't even want to try to explain youself to me.

Yeah, that's because nobody does really understand what I am feeling and what I meant.

You didn't even tried.

I did. But I am tired of explaining myself to nearly everyone with the conclusion that they don't understand me at the end.

Nothing is always about you.

So if people are that destroying and selfish, why, why should I give it a try then and tell them about my problems?

Because otherwise you are excluding youself permanently. You avoid to speak to them and eventually you will avoid to speak to them at all. You will be left alone and the only one you can blame is yourself.

If it would be quite around you for a while you will hear the polarised voices in your head too.

It never will be around me because unlike you I have friends. And I talk to people and explain my problems.

One day you will stop because you will realize they do not care for you at all.

You don't even give them a try.

How often have I to say that I did. Many times. It is mind freaking. Because one day you come to that point you do really need the help or the advice from someone. A true one. A supporting opinion. But how can they help you if they do not really care and might not even listened carefully?
When you ve reached that point you will see why I don't try to force my problems in other peoples heads.

When I hear all that confusing crap you talk about I probably also might excuse my inablity with this thesis.

Why do I even talk to you?

Because you need to. You always claim you aren't talking about your problems and force someone to listen to. But do you see what you are doing ever since we started talking?
You unbreakingly are complaining about your problems.

You made me to. You did ask. You attacked my by claiming I do not try enough in my life.

It rather sounds like a personal problem.

I won't say anything anymore, just so you know.

Oh, at the moment you are talking. But I realized you are too weak to live anyways.

...

Oh, common. Don't be that dramatical. You won't ever cut your wrists. You are too big of a looser.

I can show you wrong.

I doubt you will.

I will.

I doubt you will.

It will be your guilt then. You did encourage me.

We are in your head, all you are thinking is all you. There is no me, there is no seperated you. It is only you.

Fallen? Fallen. Sie ist wohl gegangen. Yoda, das ist das Ende der Geschichte.