Pearl : White Diamond's

ten.

Being on Earth changed me but in the best possible ways. Now, it has been about two years that have passed by and I have learned so many things about myself that I couldn't have ever imagined. I began painting. It started when Pearl bought me an easel, a wooden stand of some sort for me to place a canvas in front of it. It didn't make much sense to me but she demonstrated for me what painting is. When I copied her, she explained to me that me copying her is art but it is not my art.

I could not follow for the light of me at the time. It was very confusing because I never spent my leisure time doing such activities. It took me such a long time to get used to Earth's customs. I remember during those passing months, I had many nights filled with doubt and confusion about whether or not I could really do this; if I could really stay here on Earth with Pearl and everyone else. I had all of my emotions swimming inside of me but I could not understand them properly. Garnet, the fusion, was the first to notice my emotions spilling.

"...You seemed troubled..." 

She said to me one night while I was trying to sleep. But, I also couldn't soothe myself from my tears. She caught me off guard so I was startled.

"I apologize. I did not mean to frighten you. I was just a little bit concerned for you."

"Why?"

"...because I can tell you're having a hard time adjusting."

"...I didn't think I would. I didn't think this far when traveling to Earth. Everything is so different and scary and I want to be with Pearl but I don't know how to tell her how I'm really feeling. I don't even know how I was really feeling."

"Listen...your feelings are just a thought passing by. The sooner you breathe, and let your thoughts be thoughts, and let them pass, that is when things will begin to make a little more sense." Her voice was so soothing to listen to.

"You think so?" You asked covered in tears.

"I really do."

So I did just that. I took a deep breath, try to think of my emotions a little more, letting them be thoughts, and then I exhaled. I thought about how difficult it was for me back at Homeworld. But, I didn't talk to Pearl much about it. I kept breathing and thought about how I'm not in Homeworld anymore and how I started making a new life and was doing pretty well so far. After I appeared to be calmer, Garnet spoke again to me.

"How are you feeling now?"

"A little better. You're right. Once I told myself it's just a passing thought, it became a little easier to pay attention to my emotions and try to figure out where they could be coming from. I don't think I spoke to Pearl enough about how much of a hard time I had before coming here."

"You suffered a lot."

"I did. I know when we were still on Homeworld, I spoke to her a little about it but I never went into detail."

"How come?"

"At first I wasn't sure why. Then I learned that I was scared of White Diamond. I was afraid things would get worse if I said anything."

"I understand. But, I want you to try to see where you are now. Really pay attention." I started to wipe away my tears. "And see that you aren't on homeworld anymore. You're on Earth with people who love you and want you to be safe."

I felt a sensation in my chest. A sense of warmth and security. I was able to smile after hearing that. It had soothed my tears.

"Thank you, Garnet. I do truly appreciate your efforts in helping me."

"Of course. I understand how it could feel to be a little lost. I do what I can to help. I hope you can rest better."

"Thank you again, Garnet. I think I can now. Have a good night."

"Goodnight."

                                                                     **

After that talk, I felt lighter. I was able to understand what Pearl was talking about when it came to art and I was able to find my balance. I started creating these paintings that Pearl was wooing over. I felt more satisfied than I previously had. Months after, there was some form of a scandal. Rose Quartz came into conversation. Pearl and Steven were explaining to both Amythest and Garnet that Rose was, in fact, Pink Diamond. I remembered seeing Rose turn into Pink. But, they didn't know. I wasn't sure of the entire conversation but it was enough for Garnet to break out of her fusion. It was a Sapphire and a Ruby! I beyond belief because Sapphires are part of the royal court. What was she doing with us?

I quickly learned, they were lovers. Similar to Pearl and I. Love as this is frowned upon on Homeworld. I felt I was getting better with understanding others. I understood why they felt they could not return to Homeworld as they were. They were arguing though. Frustrated. Amythyst and Pearl tried to calm them down but to no avail. Sapphire left angered, ice appearing in the living space. Ruby remained with tears in her eyes. I was no longer surprised. Pink Diamond has caused many turmoils towards the ones she associated herself with. Pearl and Steven followed Sapphire and I was left with Ruby. I went to her side.

"I'm sorry you're feeling this way."

"She said our relationship was based on a lie..." That form of statement could be hard for anyone to process right away. You tried to think of what you could say to her.

"Hmm. It's hard to hear someone you love say something like that to you. But I'm sure everything afterward must mean something to both you and her."

"It does! Even if it started off a lie!" She was very upset.

"I think it is true that even though she is upset in a different way right now, your relationship with her is still very special. What would you like to do in the meantime? I heard drinking a warm beverage could help soothe unpleasant emotions."

Ruby started to breath smoother and most of her tears were gone. Then, she expressed her next thought.

"I..I want to leave and be a cowboy!"

"I beg your pardon?"

                                                                                           **

Hours later, Pearl, Steven, and Sapphire returned and I explained what happened; Ruby ran off to be a cowboy. Steven volunteered to get Ruby back meanwhile I stayed with Pearl and Sapphire. It didn't take long for Pearl to come to me and asked me if I was okay. I decided not to beat around the bush and explain that I knew Rose Quartz was Pink Diamond. She covered her mouth shocked. She asked how I knew. I told her.

"Years ago when we were still on Homeworld, White Diamond demanded that I spy on you and your Diamond. When you came back from the Kindergarten, that's when I saw. But, I had thought by now your friends would have known."

"...I was sworn to secrecy by Pink Diamond."

"I understand. But now, your friends are hurting because they didn't know this important piece of information when Rose is the reason why everyone is here."

"I know. I spoke to Sapphire but Ruby needs her time away now."

"...It appears so."

"We should get some rest. Who knows how long it's going to be until Steven comes back with Ruby."

Sapphire was on Steven's bed still crying. I felt horrible but all we could do was wait.