You Saved Me

9

Cas POV

"I'm ok" i said lying. If i told him he would hate me just like everyone else does. The truth is i cant even explain what's wrong with me,  i think i just don't like being a burden in peoples lives and since i had that nightmare I realized that i was a burden in Deans life.

"No, your not can you just tell me and stop acting like a freak" Dean said.

My face dropped of all people I never expected dean to be the one to call me that." I think i should go" I said holding back tears.

"No, wait cas I didn't mean"

"Yes, you did" i said cutting him off, i yanked my arm out of his hand and turned around toward the door to leave.

" Cas wait" i heard but it was already too late i was already running towards my house at full speed, when i got there i slammed the door and cried. I took the box out from under my bed which held my blade, pain killers, and a bottle of liquor which i never intend to drink but kept it in there just in case.

I picked the blade up out of the box then slid the box back under my bed. When i felt the heavy ness of the blade in my hand the only thing i thought about was the promise i had made Dean.

But then I remembered what he had said to me before i left he called me a freak. I hated the way that evil word rolled off my tongue.

It's funny how one word can ruin a life. I pressed the blade into my wrist while repeating that word, that evil word. I pressed it deeper than it has ever been before, the pain helped me forget about the outside world. Then i slid it across my wrist one more time thinking about a different word now. Death.

When i was close to killing myself i stopped, i couldn't do it, i was a coward. I added that to the list of all the things i was. I cleaned up the now crusted blood on my skin and looked at the scars, each scar i had represented a different thing i was.

I laid on my bed all night that night not being able to close my eyes, because every time i did i thought of the green eyed boy. I thought about Dean Winchester.

I stared at the ceiling, scared and crying in my head i was reciting all of the things that i was.

Coward
Fag
Freak
Sinner
Self-centered
Liar

But the worst one of them all was love. I hated myself for it, but i had to admit i was in love. I was in love with Dean Winchester.

Despite him calling me a freak i had let myself fall for him, and that's when i added a new word to the list stupid.

I was stupid.

A/N

Sorry for the bad writing and i promise this will be the shortest chapter.