Therapy

Square One

A/N: I AM SO SORRY FOR BEING INACTIVE, I've been sick with a terrible cough and my throat is all sore and crap i can barely breathe out of my nose and at night for some reason I lose hearing in my left ear but it comes back in the morning so that's great and weird. I've been sleeping a lot so I hope I get better soon, I've already missed two days of school this week 😅.

-Toms POV-
I went through my bag and set creek on my bed. I set my notebook to keep track of my meds and when I take them on the desk along with my meds and prescriptions.

I grabbed my sketchbook and sat in my bed my back elevated and a pencil in hand. I flipped to an open page and started drawing. My thoughts consumed me as my hand just moved as if it had a mind of its own.

I know this feeling.

The loneliness.

The emptiness.

The numbness.

It was all too real. My depression was acting up again. Great just great.

I looked at my paper. I had drawn a little boy without a face trapped. A wall dividing him from his future. On the other side of the wall was an older man in his twenties but this person had a face. He identified as Tord. Tord was holding his daughter with a smile on his face.

I tossed the sketchbook away from me as it landed on my bed opened on that page I sighed.

-Tords POV-
"Do you think he's ok?" Edd asked. "I'm not sure, but I'm gonna give him some time before I check up on him." Edd nodded. "You said he's having separation anxiety right?" Edd asked I nodded. "Yes that is correct." I said looking at Edd wondering where this is going. "Separation from what?" Edd asked confused. "From Tord." Matt said. "What that doesnt make sense." Edd said furrowing his brows. "Edd, Tom loves Tord, he always has, when he attempted you know....he realized he could have lost that love...something told him it was ok for someone else to love him....and I think it was his mom. He's scared that something horrible is gonna happen to them and he's not gonna get a chance to say goodbye." Matt explained to Edd.

"The Poor kid...." Edd said.

I got up and walked to Toms room. I knocked on the door. "Come In." He said I opened the door and shut it gently. I sat on the bed cross cross In front of him. "How are you feeling?" I asked him. "Eh." He said. I sighed.

"Tom when you were gonna do that....did you hear or see anything? Like conflicting voices or something?" I asked him patiently. He nodded.
"One voice was telling me to jump.....one was telling me not to.....I couldn't make up my mind until.....I heard her...." he said looking down at his feet.

"Who?" I asked.

"My mom....She and my dad were the only people who cared about me...well that's what I thought anyways...my mom and dad were friends with Edd and Matt's parents so we've known each other since childhood....we used to always be around each other and they would always invite me to play with them but I just I don't know.....I always said no. I always went off and did my own thing. But they never gave up on me. They were always there to lend me a smile, always there to pick me up when I fell......"

He paused.

"And then when I was seven my dad had a heart attack and passed away and I was devastated I cried for days on end. But somehow my mom always managed to keep a smile on her face....now I realize she was only trying to be strong for me.....but she loved him and she was as devastated as I was. Edd and Matt were always there for me when this happened, sleepover upon sleepover for months between us...then when I was ten my mom and I got into a car accident. I was fine but my mom.....she wasn't doing so well."

He paused again.

"I remember that night I laid with her I cried with her. I told her I wasn't ready for her to go, I needed her. I loved her. She told me she loved me too.....and then she passed away that night....then I moved in with Edd. Edd was super helpful and really great but I just couldn't cope. I shut the world out I put up my walls. I would spend nights sobbing and Edd would always be there for me to have a shoulder to cry on. Then we got older and bought a house together. And as time passed I just accepted that life wasn't on my side anymore. I gave up. Life was miserable. Then it got worse when you know who showed up....but then Edd forced me to go to therapy and I met you. And suddenly things were looking up."

He sighed pausing once more.

"Then the possibility of love came in the picture and it scared me because every time I've loved someone they were either taken from me or were a bitch and didn't mean a word they said. I was afraid....... but I saw her, I heard her....she told me it was ok to let someone else love you and In that moment I felt safe, i felt like I didn't have to worry anymore....and then once more almost everything was taken from me because of my actions." He said.

I sighed.

I tried to hug him but he pushed me away. "Tom?" I said kinda hurt. He backed up towards the corner of his bed hugging his knees.

"I'm sorry I just want to be alone right now." He said.

"If you need anything promise you'll call me immediately?" I asked him. He nodded. I exited his room.

-Toms POV-
Every fiber in my body was screaming for his touch. For him to come back. I need to get over this stupid separation anxiety and I need to be less clingy. I told myself.

Seriously after all this time you're gonna push him away again?! Look what happened the last time you did that!

"I lived didnt I?"  I said out loud to the voice in my head.

NEXT TIME YOU WONT BE THAT LUCKY!

I sighed. "Bring It on, I'm gonna get better and I can do it on my own. I don't need to inconvenience anyone anymore."

A/N: it's like five in the morning right now for me so I'm gonna go to sleep now 😂😂😂