During Nights

The painting

Guilt.

Guilt is what defines how good of a person you are.

I still remember the first time I lied to my classmate and told him that I didn't steal his pen and the teacher humiliated him in front of everyone because he had none,and the guilt I felt after. So I gave it back to him.

I also remember when I insulted my mom for the first time  because she won't let me stay at my friend's house. And how bad I felt about that.

And also the day I made fun of this boy  in middle school because he had a big scar on his face, only to find out that his dad was an abusive one and almost beat him to death, before going to prison. I begged for his forgiveness.

And as the years passed by, that guilt slowly grew  as the kindness I held in me empowered me. I was labelled as the kind rich and nice girl everybody respected and wanted to be friends with. And I liked it that way.

I had everything and I did nothing bad to ruin that reputation. Guilt left me for some time, only to come back later...

I trusted my parents, I was their only child. They gave me love I thought I needed only to find out later that all I needed was to get away from them. They were the monsters under my bed , the voices inside my head and the darkness that stole my kindness.

And then came money.

Money defines How bad of a person you are.

Humans are the only species that pay to live on this planet. The more money you have, the more powerful you are. And my parents were the lions in the jungle. With all the money they owned, they buried their deepest secret, their...

someone is following me.

After I left the fucker in there beside the trash, that obviously looks like him. Right! That's why you're pussy is begging for his attention! Whatever, he was a jerk! What he blew at my face was really low.
I kept walking down the street, following the shadow of each lamp on the ground. My body was craving a blanket, it was so cold that my teeth were making noise. Damn you Nathan!
The only sound I heard over my thinking was coming from my teeth and heels. Until I felt someone behind me. I didn't walk faster, I just kept my pace. I don't want the person to think that I am afraid. I mean I was, but I just didn't give a fuck honestly.

One step, two and then three... and the someone came closer to me. So close I could feel his presence behind me. So I did the unnatural thing a person would do. I turned around brutally, holding my two hands as a defense and screamed out loud.

'' Don't come near me or I swear I will kill you with my bare han...what the fuck?'' It was fucking Nathan.

''Amalia...I..'' and I turned around not ready to hear his bullshit or anything that will come out of his mouth! ''Please Amalia.. just listen..'' but I was fast ahead, practically running by now.

''Cassie!!'' I literally groaned at the sound of that name again. Fuck that damn name. I stopped walking and took in a big gulp of air, and turned to face Nathan, with guilt all over his figure. How ironic.

''If you ever call me with that name again I swear to fuck I will..''

'' I'm sorry, Cassie.'' Is he deaf? Just as I was cursing him again because of that name I replayed what he really said. 'I'm sorry...' the big Nathan is apologizing! Wow. ''I am so sorry, sweetheart. I...I overstepped my boundaries and said some stuff and..''

''Stuff? Hurtful words, Nathan. Real hurtful ones.''

''I know...I am sorry.'' He said frowning, literally. And I rolled my eyes at him and looked at the ground, shy all of a sudden. ''forgive me?'' And this time he pouted and the face he had on made me release a small laugh. And he smiled, relieved, and I immediately hardened my stare. Not so easy, man.