Heartbeat

Twelve

Here's Chapter Twelve. Enjoy, Sarah. xx

*

EMMA

I’m paralyzed. I can’t move. I can’t speak. I can’t think.

What is happening to my life?

I tried to get the words out, but everything failed me. Every time I opened my mouth to speak, nothing came out and I was beginning to panic. Why was Jordan telling me all this? Up until that night it had never occurred to me that we were even friends let alone one of us being in danger of falling in love with the other.

It had come out of nowhere. After running out on him in panic all I had done was try to figure out how we’d gotten into this situation. I hadn’t told anyone about what Jordan had said, except Logan. I’d spent most of Sunday hanging out with him and when he realized that I was in a world of my own he demanded that I tell him what was wrong.

Needless to say, Logan wanted to confront Jordan. But what would he say? What would he do? Jordan hadn’t exactly done anything wrong; if anything, it had been me. I had probably led him on, or maybe he thought I was easy like all the other girls he’s been with. Maybe that explained it all; he’d been so used to getting girls into bed, he thought I’d just fall for all his bull like they did.

Dad had noticed that something was wrong too. He called me miserable on Sunday night, and he wasn’t far off the mark. I had been walking around, moping, for the better part of this week. Naturally my mother hadn’t noticed. Why would she? She was never home so she wouldn’t know if I were up or down. Sometimes I’m surprised she remembers who I am long enough to enquire about my day before she leaves for her night shifts.

Then Holly came over on Monday night, talking about how Jordan had questioned her about last Saturday. She’d filled me in on what he’d said and then looked at me for an explanation. I told her all she needed to know, which was almost everything, then begged her not to tell Zoe because she would make a huge deal out of it. Which of course she did on Tuesday after Jordan had questioned her too. He seriously wasn’t going to give up. A fact that was proven right on Wednesday when my father finally asked me outright what was going on.

I could never lie to Dad; we were too close for that, but at the same time I didn’t want to have to talk to him about boys. That’s for mother-daughter relationships, not for fathers and daughters. He persisted in that way that he does, until eventually I conceded and told him everything he wanted to know.

Jordan and I had hung out a handful of times for the school project. We’d only spoken for a total five hours all in over the years since he moved next door. And after only a week or so he was declaring his love for me.

“Do you love him back?” Dad watched me carefully.

“No!” I shouted incredulously.

How could I love him back? I didn’t know him, and since he ruined everything, I wasn’t going to know him. This also meant I was going to fail Peer Class, and I’ve never failed a class in my life. Why hadn’t I said ‘No, Mrs. Waite. I do not want to partner Jordan Knight for this project’? If I could turn back the clock that is what I should have said after Jordan handpicked me for the project. Now it was too late. I’d even asked Mrs. Waite for a new partner after Tuesday’s class, but she shook her head and told us that getting to know each other was the only way we were going to sort out our differences. I stopped short of telling her that the difference was that Jordan loved me but I didn’t love him back.