Absolute Obedience

Chapter Fourteen

It was well into the night, I was aware of that much. The small window positioned above my bed was just a tiny rectangle and during the day allowed a bit of light to beam, was now dark with the night sky. I hadn't moved, I hadn't shifted, hadn't tried to tend to the gashes along my back.

The pain had been refreshing, it took away the need to escape, I had deserved the punishment. I probably deserved more.

In the basement, the only noise came from the drippy fought. The only sounds that I could hear from upstairs, were Pierce's footsteps as he moved overhead. My wolf craved the Cats presence. The need to be accepted and forgiven, all to strong for him and his wanting helped me maintain my position. The smell of food had filled the house earlier into the night but I had known food wouldn't me be brought to me. I didn't deserve it.

The conversation with Pierce from that morning still filled my thoughts. I had questions that now, may never be answered. Taking a deep breath, I resisted  the urge to fidget. My legs had grown numb and I was extremely uncomfortable.

I closed my eyes, and tried to allow my thoughts to wander to better places. it wasn't the first time I had been in a similar position, but I had been chained to the wall and could sleep. This time was different.

It was my emotions that shackled me to this spot my desire to be accepted and forgiven. I had no holds on my wrists, no support.

My thoughts drifted from my predicament to my old pack. I was searching my memory for happier times. When I was left extra food on plates, or when the battle instructors didn't allow the pups to hit me more than necessary. I was shown kindness from the pack on so many occasions. Would I really believe everything Pierce said? Would I believe Kain? Would I believe my Alpha? Was he truly that kind of wolf to have killed his mate in favor of me? I scuffed at the notion but my wolf felt differently. He saw my memories, my past became his present as I thought of all my encounters with Alpha.

There were no red flags to me, but my wolf growled at my naive self. Alpha used to pat me on my head and call me a good boy. He treated me nicely and only punished me when it was truly needed. There were only a few times when he did it out of anger, but he would pat my head afterwards. I was useful at those times.

My wolf growled lower, I was annoying him, but I didn't care. I didn't want to believe that I was groomed, that I had been brought to the pack for things that I couldn't even fully comphrend.

Kains distraught face flashed into my mind and I felt my chest painfully tighten. He had looked so powerful the first time I had seen him. His very aura gave off such dominance, but the last time I saw him, that moment after the punishment, his howl. All of it crushed my wolf and my soul.

If I had stayed, would I have been his second chance? If I had been able to speak, would things be different? If I had begged for his forgiveness, promised to never think of Alpha again, would today be different?

Frustration was starting to build up within me.

Just as i was about to allow myself to feel the rage that was building at my core from everything that has happened, I heard the door open. I didn't move, didn't flinch, barely breathed. I felt his presence, smelt his unique scent, my wolf rolled, I braced myself.

"Have you stood in that place this entire time?" His voice was barely a whisper. I didn't nod, unsure if he truly wanted a response from me. Hands gently grasped my shoulders, involentarily my body flinched. The rememberance of just hours before those hands used a whip to slash my back ran through my mind. I had wanted it, but my body refused to acknowledge the need i had felt, the wanting I had for the punishment. It refused to feel the same things my mind desperately felt, I was at a disconnect, with not just my wolf but my very being. The slip was starting, I knew it was, or maybe it had been starting from the moment I met my wolf and didn't have the chance to connect with him.