The inner devil

Blood, tears and getting lost.

The blood started to pour down my arm. Faster and faster. I reached for some toilet roll to stop it. I didn't want to pass out incase Calum found me.

Cause then he would know the truth. And he would think that I do this because he doesn't make me happy but as a matter of fact I'm happiest most when I'm with him but still I cut.

It's like I think I'm getting better but the devil inside me pulls my strings and the depression and pain hurts more and I start to go completely down hill again.

I don't want to live like this. I don't want to feel this way. I really don't want to wake up every morning and look in the mirror and burst out crying.

Calum deserves way better than me but I can't let him go. I can't live without him because without him I'm nothing.

I hold the toilet roll to my wounds and press down hoping that would help the blood to clot.

Finally the blood stops gushing out and I start to clean the bloody mess that is on the floor and get rid of any evidence that I've been cutting.

After I took a shower my phone begins to ring. It's Calum so I answer it.

Me: "Hey."

Calum: "Hey baby. Want to stay over at mine tonight?"

Me: "Yh sure sweetie. I'll get ready and I'll be over in an hour or so."

Calum: "Yeyy! Bye baby. I love u."

Me: "Bye. I love u more."

Calum: "That's impossible." *hangs up*

When I had finished talking on the phone to Calum, I began getting ready.

When I had finally picked out what I wanted to wear and my hair and makeup was as good as it was going to get. I packed my night bag with clothes that I was going to wear tomorrow, my makeup bag, my phone charger and a few other niceties before heading out the door.

I got into my car and drove to Calum's house witch wasn't that far away.

When I got there I knocked on the door and Calum answered. "Hey my beautiful baby!"

He kissed me before helping me with my bag. We went up to his room and watched a movie.

When the movie was over Calum pulled me on top of him. We made out and then he began to pull my jumper off.

Only to find huge cuts on my arm. I forgot to put bracelets on so I put a jumper over the top. Hoping that he wouldn't see my cuts but he had cause they where as clear as daylight.

I got off Calum and ran downstairs and out if his house the tears welling in my ears and down my cheeks.

I couldn't drive any were because my keys where in Calum's house so I just ran.

After about 10 minutes I was out of completely out of breath so had to stop running.

I was out of Calum's estate but I had no clue were I was. I just ran and I didn't know were or what I was running to. I just couldn't face him. I didn't know how to explain it to him.

I never thought I would of had to. I wanted to get better so then I would never of had to tell him about the depression or the self harm.

But getting better is harder than it seems.

And now I'm in some random estate and I don't know where I am. I just hope I can get away before it gets dark.