It's Up To You

Chapter 44

This chapter can be triggering to some that deal with depression. Please read with caution.

Elvis returned home and was glad to see me. He expressed to me that he was tired of running around with his harlots and was going to stay home. I took this as a chance to repair our marriage, or what was left of it.

His career was going downhill, all he was doing were silly movies. He wanted desperately to be taken as a serious actor, but Colonel insisted he make quick and easy money films. Elvis' film career never thrived to it's fully potential because of it.

However, our marriage ended more dramatically. Elvis came home to me, his loving wife, with the hopes that we'd spend some time together. He was upset to find Ricky's belt discarded in the middle of the hallway. Out of fury, he grilled me for explanations.

"The maid told me that something was going on, but what a fool I was! I kept saying 'no, she wouldn't do that. Not in my goddamn house!'" He shouted. Elvis took one of the guns he had begun collecting and shot it right through the television screen. He was in a rage.

Immediately, I was kicked out of Graceland. He allowed me to keep every belonging he ever gave me, he didn't care what happened to it. "As long as you get out of my house." He said.

He even bought me a small apartment for myself so I'd never have to ask him for anything again. There I stayed thinking about the life I created for myself. I let my desires and greed get in the way of my happiness and the happiness of those around me.

One day, with a cigarette hanging out of my mouth, I found myself balancing on the stone ledge of my terrace. Cars and trucks bustled at the street that was far below, people walked along the sidewalks. I looked up at the sky that was clear and bright, the opposite of my emotions at that time in my life.

My expensive nightgown flowed in the wind as I stood there. It was a cold day for Memphis, goosebumps formed on my skin from the chill. My life ran throughout my mind. Losing my parents, losing my friends, losing the Nelsons, and eventually losing Elvis.

For once, I saw myself for the disgusting vermin I truly was. I was a disgrace to my family, my culture and myself. There was nothing that could wash away the shame and depression rushing through me.

Jump.

I remembered when I first moved into that house. Ricky still had his braces in. David was still the apple of my eye.

Jump.

I remembered when I first met Elvis. Immediately we connected. We almost hooked up on that bed.

Jump.

And hurting Ricky in favor for Elvis. All Ricky ever wanted to do was be with me. He loved me but I couldn't love myself. That destroyed him.

Jump, goddamnit.

The air flowed around me, the wind was in my hair, my arms and legs were spread wide. For those sixty seconds, I was being freed of all the tension I caused myself.

And then there was blackness.