We Are All Hurt

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* Terra Johnston *

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* Terra Johnston *

Longing to hear no more, I climbed off the tree and trudged back to my house with anguish heavy on my heart. I wanted to run to my mother and apologize for any second I made her feel awful for leaving my dad, but I couldn't. I was fatigued emotionally and physically.

When my feet walked into my quaint suburban home, I saw my mother and Dennis on the couch, resolving their dispute from earlier. With no words needed, I ran to my mother and hugged her carefully avoiding the spot on her side where the bruise had lived before. Talking through my tears, I could barely let words slip out.

"Mom, I'm so sorry," were the only words able to get past the troops of tears on my face.

With my arms clutched around her, she waited for my emotions to be soothed before asking what happened. I echoed the words my father had spoken earlier back to my brother. I was scared of his reaction but I knew he deserved the truth.

"I think I understand a bit more. He told me what he did." She looked back at me and saw the swollen redness that was sliding over my face.

"He told me," I wept as my shoulders slumped in and my voice became less whole. My entire being was becoming less whole over the day, and it was still early.

"Daya, honey, what do you mean?" She gave me a consoling squeeze as Denny sniffled to my side. "He... he said that, that, he... hurt you," I could barely manage to say. "He didn't tell... me exactly how, but... he did it. He abused you... and because he hurt you... he hurt all of us."

Hearing the treacherous reason why we had been without a father made Dennis respond heatedly. He paced around the room, trying to calm down. "How could he?"

It was clear to me that it didn't work when Denny grabbed a picture frame of him and our father, throwing it into the wall, causing the glass to shatter.

He leaned his back against the wall, sliding down until he met head-on with the floor. His inner pain illuminated his face with water. His hurt was palpable in every inch of the house, all of ours were.

"Dennis, please," Mom walked as close as she could to him without stepping on glass.

"How could you let him in here?" He shoved his finger in the direction of the door.

Dennis raged through his tear-stained face. Mom reached over the glass and extended her hand to him saying, "I need you to get up and we can talk about it." She tried to stay strong for him and me too.

Denny reluctantly connected his hand with hers and was pulled out of the pool of glass that encased him. She brought him into a hug, even though he didn't seem accepting of one.

"You wanted to see him, you begged for him. Neither of you could understand how difficult it was for me to have to speak to that man," she stepped back after realizing that Dennis wasn't going to hug her back.

I knew that he would have to come back because he parked in the yard. Some time went by as I sat in front of the window, awaiting his return. Mournfully, I saw him come into view, but I tried to stay unnoticeable. I failed, and he saw me through the window.

My heart was attempting to jump out of my chest. He took a few steps toward the window but didn't come close enough. He blew a little kiss and then got into his car. He must have sat there for a few minutes, looking at the home he promised to raise a family in knowing he wouldn't be able to see that promise through.

Hours went by and my father never came back to our house. He wouldn't have been welcomed. We spent those hours with our mother, apologizing, eating various snack foods, and watching Christmas Hallmark movies with her, as they were her favorite. When I realized that school hours were up, I went back to Dennis' room to retrieve my phone.

I chuckled as I saw that I had about twenty text messages and five calls all coming from my best friend Jay that expressed how worried he was for me; the last text being,

'Meet me at our tree after school.' I needed to vent to someone, someone with an outside perspective, so I texted him back.

'I will be there.' I grabbed my coat and trotted for the door, trying to avoid wary eyes.

"Leaving so soon? I didn't scare you off, did I," Denny stated as I rolled my eyes and replied.

"Tell Mom I will be back and the big bad wolf won't get me." Denny raised an eyebrow at me before he chuckled, walking over to me.

"Be safe out there, Little Miss," he reasoned as I wrapped my arms around him before reminding him that I'm a big girl and can handle myself – kind of.

With my arms around Dennis, I heard him say, "Love you, sis."

To which I replied, "Love you too." With that, I walked out the door, anticipating my later plight with Jay.

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