Love is All That I Fear- Enoch O'Connor X Reader

Chapter 6- Lies and Secrets

A/N: Alright, before you read this just know it's really sad. So if you don't like sad things, I suggest not reading this. I'll post a modified version after this for you to read instead, it won't affect the story but it will be less detailed. It does involve cutting, so I'll take out some of that part. Until Enoch's POV, it will be the same. If you read this version, you don't have to read the other. I'm probably going to start doing this for more chapters as Enoch's depression intensifies, that way people who don't want to read sad things can still read this fanfic. I promise it won't all be sad, but I will post another version so you guys have a choice.

Y/N's POV

After Enoch and I pull apart, I smile. I guess in a way, we both got something out of the fake relationship. He grabs my hand and we keep walking along the beach. The ocean waves crash against the beach next to us.

Eventually, we get to a small spot behind on of the hills on the island. The beach goes into a small cave. Enoch walks into it, and brings me along with him. It is dark, and the sun is starting to set. The waves get into the cave, which is bigger than I thought from the outside. He pulls out a basket from a corner, and inside it has some things.

There was a blanket, a knife, and a pair of blood-stained clothes. I feel my heart start pounding. He didn't just take me here to kill me, right? As soon as he noticed I saw them, he threw the blanket over top of them.

"Enoch, you didn't just take me here to... well this is a better question. What's with the knife and the clothes?" I ask, slightly scared.

"Uh... nothing. I need to get hearts somehow, and don't worry. I've already stolen your heart, why would I want to take it again?" he smirks.

I smile, happy that I'm with him. I sit down next to him and look out at the water. There is a beautiful sunset, the sun rays sparkle on the blue ocean. There was something strangely magical about this place, and I could see why Enoch would like being here. It was peaceful, a good place to come to clear your mind.

A moment later, I felt his arm wrap around me. I looked at him and leaned into him. The sound of the waves crashing against the shore was like a lullaby putting me to sleep, and eventually I drifted off in Enoch's arms.

Enoch's POV

All I kept repeating in my head was she found your knife, she knows! but I tried to drown it out. They weren't actually for hearts, I keep that stuff in a box under my bed. No, the knife here is to cut myself. And it hurt me to know I had lied to her, but what else could I do? The look on her face hurt when she saw it. She thought I would hurt her, but the only person who I want to kill is myself.

She had fallen asleep in my arms, so with my other hand I grabbed the blanket. I placed it under her, and let go of her. I wrapped her in it, and went to the basket. I look at the bloody shirt in the basket, and I grab the knife from under it. I roll up my sleeve and hold the knife against my wrist. The cold blade rests there, while I debate whether I should or not.

Y/N was asleep, right there. If she woke up, how would she react? Would she care? Probably not. I don't know why she would be with me, because I'm awful. I treat everyone here like they are my worst enemy, and I have no real friends. No one to talk to when I'm sad, and no one to care for me when I feel alone.

I look at her again, asleep on the blanket. As long as I don't cry, I have nothing to worry about. I turn the knife over so it's against my arm. I do a silent count in my head, and then I make the first cut.

I wince at the pain, and drop the knife next to me. I put my hand over my mouth to keep from yelling. I feel tears starting to form in my eyes until everything is blurry. My vision is cloudy, and I eventually blink. Two tears fall town my cheeks, and the blood drips down my hand. I deserve this, I say to myself. No one's ever loved you, no one ever will. Not even Y/N, she just feels bad for you and was too nice to reject you. This time, it didn't hurt as badly as it usually does. Maybe I just didn't cut deep enough, or this knife isn't as good as the one I usually use.

Y/N's POV

Something not most people know about me is if you are in a certain range of me, I feel some of the pain you are feeling. So it shocked me at first when I felt a sharp pain in my left wrist, and didn't feel Enoch's warmth next to me. A second later, I heard someone crying. Quietly, but in this small cave, still noticeable.

I didn't want to think it, but why would Enoch be crying and his wrist be hurting? To someone else, it might not seem like a big deal. Although, one of the dark demons of my past is my older brother killed himself. It was many decades ago, but I still grieve over him often.

I stay quiet, and I try to fall back asleep. I don't want him to keep doing this to himself, but I also don't want to embarrass him. It starts to fade away, but another minute later it hurts again. In a different spot this time. When he falls asleep, I tell myself, then I will heal him.

For the next hour, I silently cry because of the pain. Enoch doesn't mean to hurt me, but he is. It's hurts more than anything else. There aren't any cuts on my wrist because he's not doing it directly to me, but I take in some of the pain. It's not even all of it. Oh Bird, poor Enoch. He purposefully makes himself feel this pain. Oh my Bird, my poor baby.