On Purpose

Chapter 5

Clarke's POV

I had walked off to my tent last night with a lot of mixed emotions. I lied awake for a couple of hours before finally falling asleep. I just couldn't quite figure out this thing with Finn, and that cost me sleep. 

I usually didn't sleep that much anyway, so it didn't matter that much after all.

I woke up about the same time as I usually did. It was like I had an alarm clock inside me that told me when it was time to get up. 

I tiredly sat up from my bed, I knew the circles under my eyes were only getting worse day by day. 

I started my usual routine and went for breakfast. When I sat down across from Bellamy, I noticed Finn looking over at me. I sighed and quickly looked away. I could feel Bellamy's gaze on me. 

"Are you okay?" He asked, his voice was filled with concern. "Yes," I answered, smiling up at him. He looked doubtingly at me.

"I'm letting this go for now, but I'm gonna continue this conversation later," He said. I was thankful that he knew I wasn't in the mood to talk about it. It still made me nervous that he wanted to talk about it later though. 

Apparently, then everyone except me thought that it was a great idea for me to have a day off, without duties. I disagreed. We had things that needed to be done. 

My mother and Bellamy constantly told me how much they felt like I needed to just not do anything. 

"Just go draw, relax, do something where you for once doesn't have to be worried for everything and everyone," Bellamy spoke as he caught my eyes. 

I sighed. I was tired of them telling me that all the time, so I decided to actually go to my tent and just draw. 

It was nice, I have to admit that. 

As I sat there drawing, the memories from the night before ran through my mind again and again. 

I tried focusing my mind on the paper and the coal pencil we apparently had. It worked for short periods at a time, as I watched my fingers draw lines across the paper. 

I stopped fighting it, and just let my mind run through almost whatever the hell it wanted to. I had pushed Finn away, it was just all too much. 

But was I ready? I hadn't thought about it, I had tried not to. 

I decided that I was. I was ready. 

I made my way out of my tent that afternoon and made my way over to Finn's. My hands were sweaty and I breathed nervously as I opened up to his tent. 

My body and thoughts stopped, and it was like my mind wasn't working. Finn was there, with another girl on top of him, in the middle of a heavy makeout session. As he pulled away from the black haired girl, he saw me out of the corner of his eyes. 

"Clarke..." He started, and the girl turned her face to look at me. 

I finally came to myself as I stormed away. I was so stupid. I felt so stupid. 

"Clarke!" He yelled, and I could hear him come running after me. 

"Clarke!" He kept repeating himself. As he reached me, he grabbed my left arm and turned me around. 

"No!" I yelled at him. I knew we would get people's attention, but at that point, I didn't care. "You can't just try to kiss me and then take a girl with you to your tent not even 24 hours later! I was actually here to tell you that I'm sorry for pushing you away last night and that maybe we could try, but god, now I feel like a fool." I said angrily, I could feel my eyes getting watery.  

"Clarke... I'm sorry, but I just figured if you weren't interested... I could give it time-" Finn spoke, kind of shocked by the hardness in my voice. 

"So you decided to pull another girl into your tent? You know that's great." I said sarcastically. 

"And I don't want to hear whatever the hell you have of other stupid things to say, because I simply don't care." 

And with that, I walked off.

My legs carried me to the office-like thing we had inside the dropship. 

I just needed to get away from everyone's eyes. 

THIRD PERSON

Bellamy had watched the whole situation like everyone else around. It had been quite dramatic. A part of him told him to give Clarke some time to herself, but the other part of him wanted to follow her. She probably needed someone. 

Bellamy walked in the door to find Clarke at the desk chair, staring out into the air. 

"Hey," She said as she saw him. "Hi," He answered as he made his way over to her. 

He wouldn't force her to talk, he knew that she would if she needed to. He stood beside the desk. Nothing but silence filled the room for more than a few minutes before Clarke spoke up. 

"He tried to kiss me yesterday, and I-I don't know, something just told me that I shouldn't and that it was all going too fast. He gave me this whole love-speech just before he tried to kiss me. I hadn't really figured out what I felt towards him. Today I finally decided that I was ready to give it a chance. Then, when I walked into his tent he was making out with this black haired girl." Her voice shook a little, and Bellamy knew she was on the edge of tears. 

He sat down in front of her, taking her hands in his. He squeezed them slightly as Clarke's eyes met his. She was hurt. Not because she had loved Finn that much, but because she felt betrayed. 

When he had her full attention he spoke: "You deserve someone who is terrified to lose you." 

He made sure she didn't look away, so she knew that he meant it. 

That was what caused it. Her tears slowly started falling. Yet she smiled at him as she removed some of her tears with her hand while she sniffled. 

"Hey, it's okay," He said. Clarke felt better. She just needed to listen to Bellamy. She was thankful that he was there. 

//AUTHORS NOTE//

Hello guys, once again I love you all lots. I hope you enjoy the story so far. I kind of have plans for what I want to happen next, but honestly feel free to comment ideas. Actually, feel free to comment at all, even if you're reading this three years from now, I'll still enjoy reading your comment. 

<3