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get free - lana del rey
finally, I'm crossing the threshold from the ordinary world to the reveal of my heart
Dear Rodger,
i miss you oh so dearly. your touch will forever burn on my skin. i long for your sweet love. you are my sun and stars and i pray that a disastrous occasion wipes out the wretched whore i call a girlfriend so that i can be with you.
your babygirl, Naomi
my heart burned as i read over the letter once more. tears welled up in my almond shaped eyes and my throat felt fiery. my heart ached deeply for i could not believe my eyes. i had just found the love letters my dear Nai wrote to her secret lover.
i knew she was up to something. constantly blowing me off and being secretive but, i brushed it off. the fear of losing her and the love in my heart made me push every thought of her infidelity behind me.
but now, it was confirmed true.
i sat on the park bench, heart shaped shades covering my eyes, as i waited for her. the sun brightly shone over the grass and trees as children's laughter filled the air.
i quickly sat up when i saw her walking towards me. she wore jean shorts and a cropped red shirt. she looked perfect and it made me hurt even more.
"what's the matter my dear?" she questioned sitting beside me. a frown plastered across my face and tears visibly fell from my cheeks. "why?" i asked simply.
her eyebrows furrowed and she opened her mouth to speak then closed it quickly. her eyes shifted to her hands in her lap. she fiddled with her fingers and sighed deeply.
"i'll pay you back, i'm sorry i just wanted some gum." she spoke softly. i chuckled lightly, causing her to look at me confused. "i don't know what to say right now. i think it's better if i don't speak." i coughed turning my head.
i could hear her sigh from beside me and i felt my heart sink at the reality. she thought this was about money. i don't care about money, she can have it. i was madly, deeply, head over heals in love with her.
or maybe i'm young and stupid.
"i'll pay you back," she repeated, causing me to look over at her. i pulled the letter out of my pocket and waved it infront of her face, watching as she grew tense. "where did you-"
"if i had the world..." i began. "and a million riches, i'd give it away. i'd give it away if it meant i couldn't have you!" i yelled as more tears stained my cheeks, replacing the previous ones.
she sat in shock and cleared her throat as people walked by staring. "char-"
"i said, why?" i interrupted her. my legs felt weak and i ached badly but i pulled myself up from the bench and stood staring at her. she gulped and her gaze fell on the flowers sprouting from the healthy grass.
"i don't know." she said simply.
my throat pained and i stared at her in disbelief, completely speechless. what was i to say? there was nothing i could say or do.
and with that, i marched to the diner down the street. ignoring her cries for me.
