Two boys in a snake den

A potion for commotion

Dear diary, 

my first week back at Hogwarts school of bitchcraft and hickery was very....different to say the least. Firstly Potter approached me on the train which REALLY pissed me off. Then Goyle dropped his chocolate frog and when he went to pick it up his hand brushed my dick and I was afflicted with a HUGE boner. Which was not my fault. Then Blaise kept calling me gay which ticked me off even more. I mean, c'mon now diary, Draco Lucius sickening bitch Malfoy- a homosexual? Methinks thy black ass is lying. 

Either way, my chakras were fucked from the start. Then we had potions first lesson, which usually would be a good thing because Snape is a massive kiss arse and fancies the shit out of my mother (As a Malfoy I come from a proud lineage of Milfs), but it was a complete disaster. Potter brewed some shitty green slime that stuck to my Vivienne Westwood trousers- luckily Winky was able to rescue them with what she calls her 'special juice', whatever the hell that means- then Blaise got his hole resized by Dean Thomas in the supply cupboard. Anyway, not the point. 

I have a favour to ask someone...and I really don't want to do it. Even though my father's dead, I'm still feeling conflicted over this whole situation. Not over his death- that was all a breeze- but what I really want to know is why, why did he cheat on my mother? What is it about that scaley slut that drew him in? Well, I realised that in order to answer this question I would need to talk to Nagini myself which means that I'll need help from a very specific dickhead...

That's right. Potter.

That's all for now, I guess.

Hugs and Kisses, Draco. 

PS I'm not gay, like at all. I promise. I'm really not.

PPS I mean, I've had wet dreams about getting rammed by Cedric Diggory, but who hasn't?

PPPS Seriously though, I'm as straight as they get. I swear on my favourite pair of Versace diamond-encrusted earrings.  Toodles, Draco.