Two boys in a snake den

An Invitation From Death

"so Potter.. What's it gonna take for a guy like you to spend an afternoon with a twink like me?"

"Malfoy what the fu-"

"I'm sorry. I just got out of a heavy daddy kink porn phase. What I mean to say is: I was wondering if you'd like to attend my mother's wedding.. as my... as my.."

"As your..?"

"Well I was going to say escort but I didn't want to sound tender."

"What you should be saying is 'sorry'."

"Merlin's left tit Potter what Have I supposedly done now?"

"Well you've not spoken to me, or your audience via internal monologue, for weeks!"

"Right so it's my fault that some lazy ass bitch decided to abandon us as narrative tools?"

"I'm just saying that-"

"We digress, Potter. Be there or be a hare. The wedding, I mean." 

Potter rolled his blazing green orbs in annoyance. "It's 'be there or be square', Malfoy. Merlin for someone so sexy you sure are stupid."

"I think you'll find I said the phrase correctly! It originated from a wizard disguised as a common magician. When performing a particularly difficult parlour trick he- hang on did you just call me sexy?"

Potter flushed pleasantly and hardened erectionally (which is now a word because I just made it up so don't get your wand all in a twist). "Well Someone has to move our relationship development forward and it sure as hell ain't you. Besides, you Are  sexy. In a sort of pallid, 'just did some cocaine', malnourished, looks like you were created by Tim Burton and Ezra Miller sort of way."

Draco arched his back and lifted his eyebrow. (The left eyebrow to be specific; Draco actually suffers with temporary bouts of facial paralysis on his right side which originates from an irrevocable trauma from his youth. It just wasn't mentioned because it's not relevant  to Harry's story! And it will never be mentioned again from hereon out). 

"Enough flirting Potter. Come to the wedding with me. Say yes or I'll have to resort to extreme measures of persuasion."

Potter smirked very enticingly in a sexy but very heterosexual erotic way which while suggestive of sexual undertones was in fact completely innocent and appropriate for the children of Jesus. 

Jesus is a biscuit, let him sop you up. (Matthew 7:7)

"Oh yeah, what would those 'extreme powers of persuasion be?"

"Haven't thought it that far through yet. Probably something involving buttholes."

"Yikes. Fine, I'll go with you. Do I have to wear a suit?"

"No Potter, you need to attend completely and utterly naked. Merlin, you're thick."

Potter Rolled his fresh green grass innocent kale smoothie eyes once more and walked off. The plan was in motion.