Two boys in a snake den

Till Death Do us part

Harry was beginning to think that Draco was being sarcastic about the whole 'showing up naked thing'. 

As he scanned the luxuriously decorated hall he couldn't see another witch or wizard displaying their wand or crystal balls. Nor was there any fanny in sight which was rather disappointing. As a straight Caucasian male Harry used words like 'fanny' all the time. 

He turned to the elegant banquet set aside for after the ceremony and considered pinching a few pink wafers to munch on when he was approached by none other than the groom.

"Dobby is so happy to see Harry Potter! But a bit confused about the nakedness."

"Ah well the thing is-"

"Not that Dobby minds of course! Dobby once believed, he hoped, that he and Harry Potter could become good good friends,but it was not to be. Dobby worships Mistress Cissy's hole now. Still, Dobby likes to see what could have been."

"Dobby! I find that highly inappropriate; my body is not some commodity!"

Dobby shrugged his narrow shoulders. "'Tis free real estate."

He then shuffled off in his tiny suit, his wrinkly but cheeks hanging free from the ass-less chaps, no doubt tailored by Madame Malkin to fit his sultry frame exactly.  

Harry did wonder if straight Caucasian males, such as himself, noticed small details like this in other men. Sure, he and Ron had jerked it off together many times but that was part and parcel of being roomates! No, he didn't have to shave Dean's butthole or help Seamus douche but he was so sick of being 'The chosen one'! He wanted to do normal lads stuff; buying anal beads, crying to Sufjan Steven's 'The Mystery Of Love' and wanking to the thought of a threesome with Cedric Diggory and a pale blond ferret. 

"BLOODY HELL POTTER!"

Speak of the rodent and he shall appear; Malfoy walked up to him in a gorgeously fitted suit with a collar full of feathers framing his slender neck and pale head, which was adorned with a rhinestone hat.

"Look, before you yell at me you did say-"

"YOUR HAIR IS A DISASTER!"

Harry spluttered, affronted. "But I shaved! Very well, actually. I finally subscribed to Dollar shave club and used the code 'James Charles' for 0.23% off!"

"Not your Bollocks you utter tosspot. The hair on your head! It's downright offensive."

Before Harry could protest Malfoy had slid his long, dexterous, GET THEM INSIDE MY HOLE RIGHT NOW, fingers into his thick hair and begun smoothing it desperately. Harry moaned inwardly. Then realised he'd done it outwardly as well. As had Dobby watching the scene from the other side of the room. As had the Vicar watching Dobby watching Harry watching Malfoy from the other side of the room.

Malfoy stepped back to admire his handiwork. "Well, you're not going to end up on the cover of 'Witch Weekly's weekly peaky of wizarding meaty' any time soon but it will have to do." He extended his arm out to Harry which he gratefully accepted, "I'd offer you my jacket but that would be an injustice to the jacket. Let's get this shit-show rolling."

Harry smiled despite himself, he was so glad they were friends. He couldn't ever imagine fighting with Malfoy now, let alone betraying him. It was going to be such a fun day of friendly frolicking. Nothing bad or hurtful was going to happen. This exposition is not foreshadowing. 

Harry was so happy.