Two boys in a snake den

The times they are a changing

-one week later-

It had been tough for Draco to grieve over his recently dead father but it was mostly behind him now. That heated round of charades had really helped mellow him after the incident.

However, things had swiftly taken a turn as his mother was back to her old whorey tricks. Her and dobby had been less than discreet about their back alley dealings and had now taken to fornicating on any piece of furniture available- whether someone was sitting there or not.

Yesterday he'd caught them dry humping right over Grayback's smelly corpse, someone should have probably cleaned it by now but when you're trying to take over the entire world, muggle and wizard, things like that tend to slip through the cracks.

Also on the list of new developments was his father's pallid taxidermied corpse hanging aloft outside Nagini's quarters. Not only did he make an excellent candleholder but he served as a warning for any weeping hearts that may want to possess the big V's precious right tailed snake.

Draco himself thought the measure ridiculous: not only was she an actual snake but a right munter at that.

Yesterday he had ventured down to the kitchens to pick up a freshly buttered scone after no one appeared when he'd snapped his fingers. The sounds emanating from the locked door were indescribable- high pitched animalistic grunts that sounded of desperation and lazy workshy little bastards.

Opening the door proved to be a task in and of itself due to the fact he'd never had to open one before.

The sight before him was an indescribable atrocity. Piles upon piles of wrinkly raisin-like forms were desperately clawing to get a lick of his mother's exposed snatch. Each leathery little rat was screaming out eagerly, he picked up phrases such as:

"I must be the first to salvate the mistress' poodle!"

"Allow me to go tumbling down the cavernous depths of miss Cissy's cave of love!"

"It should be I that licks her precious stamp!"

"It's 'Timen' to expose the Hymen!"

Among many more lurid expressions.

Upon seeing Draco enter, Dobby slinked out of the fray and sauntered over to his side, licking his fingers as he went.

"What exactly is going on here?"

"Well, you see master Draco, it is an orgy."

Draco scoffed. "No not the orgy you bloody cretin! I asked for my buttered scone a good half hour ago, now I don't quite know how one would go about buttering a scone, but I assume it's a simple task, even for someone of your kind."

"Now you best be bucking up your ideas young senator, it is your future father you insult!"

From the writhing pile of midget bodies his mother's hand protruded, flashing an elegant engagement ring.

Draco spat out the leftover orange juice he'd been drinking since the previous chapter and stared in shock.

Dobby reached out a wrinkled finger and swiped the drips of juice from around Draco's mouth. He tried very hard not to think about the fact those fingers had just been roaming around his mother's coochie.

"This is ridiculous, is a marriage between a house elf and a woman even legal?"

"Of course it's legal, Dobby wouldn't have proposed if it wasn't legal, nor would he have penetrated Cissa's flooded chasm!"

"Okay! Thanks a lot Dobby but I really didn't need that visual!"

Dobby shook his wonky head in amusement. "Oh son, 'Dobby' sounds so formal- 'Daddy' is more like it!"

Draco fought the urge to vomit. "No way!"

"Fine- Father elf?"

"No chance."

"Servant step-dad?"

"Fuck off."

"Game-keeper guardian?"

"You're not even a bloody game-keeper!"

"Come now, son, how about we go out into the garden and play ball, hm?"

A sudden rasp of ecstasy issued from the mound of leather-skinned limbs, which Draco took as a cue to leave.