The Second Choice

Broken

He broke me.

I hate to admit it, hell I couldn't even say it to my friends but they noticed.

It's been a two full weeks since we haven't talked to each other. I honestly can't look him in the eye anymore. I mean ok sure choose her if you want, but don't leave me with my own thoughts wondering why I'm not good enough.

Amelia was so pissed at him, I remember in health class when she couldn't take me being sad anymore, and when he tried walking up to me to talk to me she told him "If you ever hurt her again I'm going to punch you in the face." Honestly I enjoyed that because the look on his face was priceless. Amelia is pretty tall and looks intimidating so he backed away after her warning.

I couldn't admit to myself that a boy broke my heart.

Now the thing that really confuses me is the fact that he texts me if I'm okay whenever I would be absent for school. I usually just respond by saying that I'm fine. I really don't get him, he leaves me but still cares about me?

The thing I hate the most is when Micheal gives me that "I'm sorry" stare at school. I don't buy it. I'm not going to believe any of his bullshit anymore.

Now all I can think about is how Micheal chose Molly after telling me that he has feelings for me. I see them at school hugging and hanging out, he acts as if he never even talked to me or danced with me. All the air inside my body is taken from me. He made me feel like I was second rate, not good enough, not fit to be liked by someone. He chose her and not me and it is possibly one of the worst feelings I could ever feel.

But I need to move on, I have to, I mean he was never really my boyfriend to begin with, which now I'm extremely grateful for because if he was then I would have spent the rest of my life regretting it. Micheal would have probably dated for for a day and then left me for Molly.

Days turn into weeks and weeks into months. "I hate u, I love u" became a really popular song that I listened to, it felt as if it was written for the events I was going through, "you want her, you need her, and I'll never be her". I remember always listening to this and crying in my room, every tear was the memory of him and I together.

It was like "perfect" didn't exist to me anymore. I couldn't listen to it because if I did, it would just remind me of Micheal and I dancing. Not only did he ruin me but also my favorite song.

As I listen to my music I go through my photo album and go to the pictures and videos of Micheal and I, I look into every detail and watch over it.

I need to move on from him. I know I do.

I just don't know if I'm strong enough for it. The numbness that I feel in my body is weird. Today is when I really let all my tears out, the bags under my eyes and the redness on my nose says it all.

My thoughts are consuming me. "Why wasn't I good enough?" Why not me? The least he could do is owe me an explanation, but no. Right now him and Molly are probably talking and he's enjoying his life while I'm here second guessing if I'm worth it.

I guess that's just what it feels like to be someone's Second Choice.