Of June

7- I Just Recall Insecurity

A loud thud jolts my eyes open.

Cold sweat beads roll down my temples and I gasp, breathing heavily. I rise up and sit on my bed, not bothering to remove the blankets. My legs are sprawled all warm and comfortable underneath the sheets.

"Must be a nightmare." I think, lungs tensely panting for air.

My eyes wander around, finally observing the surrounding which, to my shock, is pitch black. Except for my bed that is covered in dark blue sheets, nothing is visible around my table lamp; no traces of frosty moonlight trickles from the curtains, and not even shadows lurk on the floor. Everything seems to be submerged in thick, cold, darkness- darkness capable of numbing one's physical senses.

One heavy pondering later I eventually decide to get up- afraid to place my feet on the impossibly black floor, afraid that I'd fall to an infinity if my toes don't meet with a cold hard ground below.

Much to my relief I land safely, though the creeping rush of uneasiness prevails.

"Mom? Dad?" I cry into the void, eyes brimming with tears. No matter how fast I sprint ahead, the view in front remains the same; empty and dark like a never ending tunnel. My legs ultimately give up and I drop my knees to the ground, crying and sobbing, begging to see familiar faces, praying for all this to end.

A blinding source of light coerces me to lift up my gaze. There stands a door, no walls adjoining the thin wooden structure and no roof above its frame– save for the silver lining visible on each side. I trudge over with all the residual hope in my body, yank the handle and pull the door open. Sunlight causes me to squint my eyes, and I use my right hand as a shield against the bright fireball as it exhilerates every inch of my skin.

"Stop working, hun. You look tired." I hear a familiar, cheerful voice.

"Mom?" I call out. My dear mother arrives into what looks like a vast garden decorated with daisies and other elegant flowers of sorts, the sky gleaming with a golden touch. Another person catches my eye, and the sight of him only makes me elated. "Dad!"

I quickly run towards them, hugging dad around his torso. His back still faces me as I dig my face into his shirt, my trembling voice coming out muffled by the fabric.

"Where were you?" I ask, glancing over at mom's delicate face, tears blurring my vision. "Where had you both been?"

Dad slowly holds my hands and pulls them apart, withdrawing them away from his body as if getting rid of them. He then gazes at my face like I was a total stranger.

"Dad?" I mumble, helplessly boring my eyes into his and grabbing onto both of his wrists.

"You left us, Madison." Mom finally speaks, no emotion expressing in her tone.

"It's late. It's too late." Dad joins in without looking at me, as if his words didn't just make the air pierce through me like an arrow, making every breath I inhaled smell like poison. I back away a few steps, slowly and steadily.

"No. . ." I mutter, nodding my head in disagreement.

My heel topples from a pebble as I keep moving back. I tumble down, causing the world above to spin like a flurry of clouds. Immense pain throbs throughout my skull. When I manage to stand up again, I find myself in a room. This time, it seems to be overflowing with soft strings of an instrument, captivating melodies enchanting the whole atmosphere. In front of me sits none other than Adam on a couch, a guitar resting on his lap as he lifts up his eyes to acknowledge my presence in the room.