UGLY ✔

15: A Part of Her Colours, A Part of My Opaque

Sinn's POV :

I closed my eyes.

I opened them again, only to be greeted by the sight of my blank white canvas.

You know nothing's going to be appear out of blue if you keep doing that.

True that.

I sighed again.

I have been sitting here for an hour, trying to get some work done. Or more specifically, get some drawings done. But my mind was overboard and I couldn't figure out my themes or subjects yet. I was suffering from an artist's block I guess.

Maybe, it was the lack of inspiration. Lack of subject or lack of proper themes that could catch my eyes.

I lit a cigarette to calm my nerves down. Eventually, my aimless mind wandered to a subject that was always prohibited for me. But for some reason I loved torturing myself with the said subject.

Kiara Senoire Haron.

A spark of guilt tore through my heart just by thinking about her. It was more acute than ever before and was intensifying as the time went. I never wished for it to turn out like this. The bet to turn out like this.

I still remember her hopeful eyes as she stared at the one million dollar cheque I gave her. I noticed her eyes becoming watery and from then I understood one thing perfectly. This company meant a lot to her. She wanted to deny me immediately but deep down she knew that without this cheque she was going to be broke. I assured her that she could pay me back anytime.

Even though she obliged to my help without any objections and with a promise to return my favour as soon as possible, we both knew that she couldn't pay me back anytime recently. At least not within a couple of years. One million was a massive amount of money and she was just a college student with a burden of an indebted company on her shoulder.

Maybe I should merge my company with her's in the future just to help her out? She was fighting all of this by herself, without anyone's assistance. There was no way she could be all right. Business world was crueler than one could think. There was no way Kiara was going to survive through this without losing her very soul.

And I just realized I didn't want her to change, at all. She was unique and I'm drawn to her uniqueness.

My mind drifted off to her features and my jumbled up thoughts made sense all of a sudden. I wanted her to be my subject. She was the one I wanted to capture in my canvas. Though there were many beautiful things to draw, her very features were the ones I wanted to bind in colours, in my colours. I wanted to draw both of her flaws and beauty.

It was as if my hands had a mind of their own. Before I knew, I was filling my white canvas with colours. She was the colours, she was the reason for the very colours. I closed my eyes for a moment and her cheerful face came into my view.

There it was.

The woman I remembered so perfectly. Smiling and cheerful. Her eyes holding a hint of ambiguity.

She was one weird woman.

And that's what I enjoyed about her. She didn't talk too much for my liking, neither she talked less. She didn't whine because I failed to bring her favourite purse or nail polish, in fact she never wanted one, she wasn't too shy or too bold, she was just just.

My hands worked in a lightning speed. They knew what were they doing. The previous fatigue and tiredness was forgotten, replaced with enthusiasm and passion. I could feel the excitement radiating from my soul. I forgot to spare a glance at the clock, only focusing on the task that was in my hand. I didn't care about the time. Hours passed, but yet it only felt like seconds.

That was what happened when you did what you wanted to do.

I focused on every single detail. I wanted to capture her flaws flawlessly. The slight cut just above her right eyebrow, the small, almost unnoticeable mole just below her lips, they only added to her unique appeal. She had a bulky face but somehow they worked perfectly together.

Was the golden ratio working its magic here? Because, there was no way that she looked perfect with her very normal features.

When I was done, I stared at my work, realising the fact I didn't take any breaks in between. A yawn escaped me, letting me know of my tiredness.

I examined my painting and it was.... ordinary. But in a good way. It was simple, yet it told a story. A story of an enigmatic girl, a normal girl with ordinary features. Yet, they worked together. Her features screamed joy, ambiguity and positiveness.

That's the definition of art, right? Even if they're ordinary, they are supposed to tell you a story. Even if it's a very normal one.

Since, I had to draw these for exhibition, I only used half of her face, keeping the other half in the dark. Satisfied, I covered my canvas. When I took a glance at the clock I realised that I had been working for five hours straight.

I guess passion and love for a work does that.

The next day was a blur. I had to send my paintings for exhibitions and sign some of the contracts. I proposed to Kiara that I would accompany her tonight, but she sensed my bustle and told me that it was okay for me to have some time for myself.

She was so understanding.

Again the guilt of deceiving her tore through me.

It pained me, for the first time in my life I was at a loss. I didn't love her, but I was interested in her. She was a pure, kind hearted girl. Someday, the truth would come out. And then, she would hate me. The base of our relationship was an efficacious bet I made with my foes and that was the reason why I couldn't have her as I desired.

I desired her as my friend, she was a great company. She made me smile and I liked it.

The fact that my thoughts were principled by her got on my nerves, but I liked thinking about her.

I knew that we couldn't be together, not forever at least because I fucked up in the very beginning. The only way to do this was to get her out of my system.

Maybe I could call Sarah, into my dormitory. I would tell Kiara that I was studying late. It was the best way to do it. I had to forget her, otherwise I would get hurt at the end.

She would get hurt at the end.

Sarah would work as a sedative, only a sedative. Nothing else, because Kia was my first priority. For now, at least. I pressed the contact that was titled sarah.

A small voice in the back of my mind suggested me not to do it, but I didn't care. I know it was wrong. Maybe it would be good if she found out. She would realise that how messed up I actually was.

She was the little colour that existed in my heart. My soul was dominated by darkness, pure and raw darkness, and I didn't want her to be a part of it. I wanted her to have her colours, that's what I enjoyed about her.

The doorbell rang. I knew who it was. It was my sedative. If I could get drunk enough, maybe I wouldn't feel the guilt that was tearing me apart. Maybe by morning, I would go back to my old self.

I greeted Sarah with what I supposed was a sexy smirk.

I was fucked up, I couldn't let the only girl I liked get into my mess. It'd be better if I kept her out of me, kept her out of my opaque. I never wanted to lose her colours, I wanted her to be cheerful and......

happy.

Hello, hello my dear readers! Your lazy ass writer was feeling energetic today and this chapter was the outcome of it. I would've updated sooner but my b*tch wifi just had to stop working. Anywho, this chapter is dedicated to art_oh_u_mean_banana (boina), a huge shout out to her. Check out her story! (Haha no one checks out mine and here I am giving shout outs haha)

I will try to update three times a week.

Also vote and comment damnit! They encourage me. Do you not want to encourage a poor soul like me? 🙂

Love y'all 💓(This chapter is not edited)