UGLY ✔

20: Guilts

"There are two kinds of Guilts; the kind that drowns you until you are useless and the kind that fires your soul to purpose"- Sabaa Tahir

Play the song!

:'(
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Sinn's POV:

I sighed loudly as the kiss replayed in my mind for the umpteenth time. It was 10 at the night. I guess sleep was not planning to bless me with it's presence anytime soon. I let out another strangled groan as I got up and tried to shift my attention to anything else but Kiara. I guess my heart wasn't willing to obey my commands.

Almost two and a half months.

My mind started playing the past two and a half months like a movie. I sat down in front of my blank white campus as my mind became more jumbled up than ever before.

Before this 'meaningless' bet, I thought it to be a child's play. Hurting someone, fucking and disposing them like a chewing gum didn't mean a thing to me. Another disappointed sigh escaped me as I sat on the chair that stood still in front of my canvas. I had to draw, I needed to get all these stuff out.

I needed to give my inner turmoil a shape. I picked up a pencil and started with a lambere on the blank canvas. Soon, it took the shape of a dome. After defining a little bit, it became a human head with nose, smiling face and pitch black eyes. I was drawing this human's side profile.

By time As I indulged in to my work, Kiara's pained demeanor was showing itself in my mind in it's blurry haze. Scratch that, her picture was perfectly embedded in my mind. I couldn't forget it even if I tried. I don't want to forget it. I want her to be afresh in my mind, forever.

When we started dating, I thought she wasn't worth it. She was going to be annoying, vexating, stupid nerd who doesn't know anything other than the formulas. I thought we would never match with each other. Never thought we would mold with each other.

I let out a humorless chuckle.

I thought her to be ugly.

And I thought she was the narrow minded one.

This was fate playing with me. The only girl I ever liked, I was going to lose her because of my stupidity. For a stupid bet. Whenever I'd tell her my secrets or my past, she wouldn't judge me. She would see me as what I was, not a man candy that comes with a wrapper made out of money.

I remembered our time together in my farm house. She looked so stunned upon seeing such a simple yet beautiful house. I remembered her agonized posture when she talked about her mom and dad, how fucked up her life was.

Maybe for some people it wasn't messed up enough, but it was messed up nontheless . We also visited clovehill lockout last month and I remembered how pretty she looked under the glowing sunlight.

My heart was beating wildly, enough turn me into a lunatic person. When I told her this evening that my father was murdered by me, she didn't gave me that horrified look those people gave me when they came to know about it. No one in this college knows that of course.

I had enough marks to get admitted into Yale, but because of this murder, I was rejected. I had to spend 3 months in the jail, it had a drastic impact on my mind. I thought father and Mama took a piece of me with them. The Sinn I used to be knew how to laugh, how to cry, how to have fun. The Sinn I became, was cut out from a stone. He only knew how to wallow in his misery, how to drown his sorrows into a bottle of booze.

He only knew how to fuck up people's lives only for his fun.

The sketch was almost done. I started adding some finishing touches and outlines.

Ryan Gerrard, I never saw him as a friend. I knew that he wasn't trustworthy, but he had been there for me. Before Kiara came into the picture, Ryan was my secret box. If he wasn't there that day, this bet wouldn't have happened.

But it was my mistake.

My grip on the pencil tightened as I fighted the painful memories.

"You bastard," I mumbled under my breath, "How the fuck do you lose your common sense when time comes?"

I thought guilt wouldn't be an issue here. Oh how wrong I was! The numbing pain from the surge of guilt I was feeling right now was indescribable. It was like someone drowned me into Arctic water and then stabbed me with a thousand knives. That would be the the perfect sentence to describe my pain.

Kiara was the only girl I had liked in the decade. She didn't have the perfect face, perfect body- they were far from being perfect, the problem is, I liked her personality. She wasn't a fake plastic.

She understood me. She knew me. She wasn't pretty, but she was nice to talk to.

And the kiss, holy hell the kiss. Damn! I've never felt something like this before, ever. The kiss alone made me want to laugh and cry at the same time. I was so lost in euphoric Bliss and her delectable taste, I think even a moan escaped me. It was so out of character for me.

I wanted to keep her in my arms and never let go. Tell her that I would be here, for her, forever. I let a frustrated sigh escape me.

I drew back as I examined my now completed sketch. It was of a man who was smiling, but his mind only showed him the picture of the one he loved. He felt the agony, but he didn't let it falter his smile.

I felt it.

I ran a hand through my hair in frustration. I also had blueballs, thanks to a certain girl of color and her amazing kissing skills. I let out a groan. It was unbelievable, she was too expert for her own good. Hard to believe that it was her first kiss.

I think I should be with talented women, their instincts are much better than the plastic ones.

But before that, I needed to sedate myself. Sighing, I glanced at my phone. 10:45 PM. Jerking off wouldn't help. I needed to f*ck someone mercilessly.

Before I knew, my fingers were automatically dialling Sarah's number and I was heading to her dorm.

My mind was blurred and I bit my lips to stop my raging libido.

I needed to spend day with her, I needed to get Kiara out of my system. I don't want to mess her up.

Do you hear that scream? That's me screaming at his stupidity. >:( Stupid stupid Sinn! 😠

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Update: okay, so there are 12 votes on this chapter and my profile is having some problems so I can't see who voted me. Of course I know ufan01 but who are the others? Please comment so that I can dedicate a chapter to you. I really want to. And thank you so much!