Disconnected (Muke)

Chapter 7

the pain for michael was overwhelmingly excruciating. it was so horrifyingly painful that he was afraid that if he dared take a breath he would hurt even more. what he was even more afraid of was luke seeing him. he didn't want luke to see his disgusting fat rolls and ugly pale skin. he was nothing. nothing compared to luke, and it sucks. it sucks that his ribs are broken and it sucks that his best friend did it, and wow it sucked that Luke was going to see his ugly scarred fat rolls.

"michael," luke snaps him out of his daze. "look at me" he breathes, his eyes of nothing but pure crystal and lightning as their eyes met. "you have to let me see." he begs, his eyes seemed to take over michael's whole being as he found himself agreeing.

"ok. but not now." he whispers softly, moving his eyes back to the floor. they briefly flicker to ashton, who was just watching from a small distance. michael let his gaze travel to ashton for a long while before the pain becomes too much and he rolls over and throws up a small amount of food and stomach bile. his eyes are fading in and out of black as he looks around he's reaching out for luke before he falls back and passed out.

when he wakes again, he's on his bed and can feel the cool draft on his bare torso. his eyes shoot open and he immediately tries to sit up and pull his shirt down, but he's not wearing one.

"woah, mikey. slow down." luke soothes softly, sitting down next to michael on the bed. michael takes a deep breath and slowly reaches over to pull the blankets over his torso. luke obviously takes notice of this, watching the thick covers swallow the pale scarred skin. "we need to talk." the blond says with a sigh.

"no we don't." the lilac spits, not wanting to speak of him being overweight and ugly.

"michael, i'm worried about you." luke begs softly, his eyes growing big.

"well, you shouldn't be. i can do what I want with my body." michael snaps, his nerves coming on edge as their conversation became more and more in depth.

"michael, are you depressed?" the younger boy asks softly, sincerity shining in his eyes. the lilac is taken aback his features softening, then intensifying as luke saw his face go red in anger.

"get out!" he screams at the top of his lungs until he couldn't breathe anymore. "get out!" he repeats when the blond doesn't move. he could feel tears rimming his eyes as he began to feel helpless because luke just wouldn't leave him alone like any regular person would when he yelled.

but in reality he kind of wanted luke to stay. he wanted luke to tell him that it's okay, to hold him close at his hips and tell him he's perfect even if he won't believe it anyway. but then again, he doesn't want anyone like that. he doesn't want to be the one that disapoints luke because he knows that it'll happen. "why won't you just leave?" michael asks, his voice crimson with raw emotion as he stared at the lanky boy, jealous of everything about him.

"i care too much to leave you here alone because I know that right now is when you need someone the most." he mumbles softly. Michael for the first time is speachless. he isn't sure if he really cares it if he wants to seem like a good person. he isn't sure what to think about anything anymore.

"you don't know me, luke." the lilac finally whispers after what seemed like ages of silence.

"you don't know how wrong you are. i know so much more about you, not to sound creepy, but just from watching you I feel like I've known you my whole life." luke is watching michael intently, he's not sure what to say or do right now. after hearing what luke had to say, he's not sure of anything.

"like what?" he breathes.

"All i really know is that you have 36 freckles scattered on your cheeks along with your hands, you have a scar below your lip from when you tried to get it pierced but it got infected, you hate math because you think nothing really has a solution, i know you stay up late a lot to finish a book so you can watch a movie. it's hard to make you laugh, but when i do it makes me soar." michael is beyond blushing as he continues. "you like storms because the rain hitting your window makes you feel less alone and i know that i l- i really, really care about you, michael." luke promises, his voice wavering slightly. "i want to know who you are. i don't want to know a name, a height, a weight, an age, a gender, or where you're from because that's not what describes people. i want to know your favorite books, the songs that get stuck in your head what you think at three a.m. when you can't sleep or even what you used eat for breakfast on saturday mornings. you are so many wonderful things, michael, and i don't want to be another one of those people that choose to see everything you're not. let me be the one you tell all your fears and desires to when we can't sleep at night. let me be the one that you come to when you're scared. let me help you michael." the blond is begging the older boy, pulling out every trick in the book, even using a poem he found online once because he wanted this so much. he uses a poem because luke is just 70% poems, 20% music and song lyrics, and 10% art. luke was a one of a kind and he really wanted to help this broken boy. the lilac is almost awestruck. he doesn't know what to say, nobody has ever shown so much interest in him before and he almost wants to take advantage of it, leap right on it, but he knows he can't. he won't.

"luke," he breathes, his head shaking back and forth slowly. "no, luke... no." he mumbles softly, keeping his eyes away from the electrifying blue ones. "you don't want to have to deal with this. i have so many things messed up about me, you don't want to get involved. trust me."

*

it's been two days since the incident with ashton. luke is persistent on helping michael. he claims he knows so much about the lilac, but it's not everything. does he know how often michael cries himself to sleep at night? or how many cuts are on his damaged body.

it's currently 4:57 a.m. and the bathroom light is on and the door is locked, trapping michael inside.

(a/n: triggering ahead)

luke wants to know what michael thinks when he can't sleep? here it is.

ugly.

stupid.

fat.

worthless.

fag.

crazy.

mental.

unloved.

all of those words were carved into his body that night, the stinging sensation in his ribs and arms and thighs was a big sigh of relief. he missed the sharp touch of the blade on his skin even though he just felt it earlier that morning.

the ugly irritated skin was jutted out, the cuts swollen and large as michael watched his body become drained of blood. it's gushing out everywhere, dripping on the fake tile and all over the sink as he stood on wobbly feet and shaking knees. he cuts vertically up his arm and horizontally on his thighs until his body is covered in ugly, frustrated cuts and tears from his cheeks. he thinks he's had enough for the night, but he can't really stand. he's just kind of flops onto the ground with a low thud and pulls out the first aid kit. he cleans himself up with what energy he has left and pulls on a black jumper and goes back to his room in just the jumper and his boxers. but as he is crossing the hall, a door creaks open and out comes luke, of course.

(a/n: over)

"michael? what are you doing up?" he rubs his eyes to make it seem like he was actually asleep, which he was not, he hasn't slept in two days.

"i had to use the bathroom." he says through his teeth, turning the light on in his room, blinding luke in the process. the blond blinks rapidly and looks at michael, trying to hide his shock.

he knew the lilac had a thigh gap, but not one so prominent.

"oh my god." he whispers, his heart shattering within his chest.

"don't you look at me. don't look at my disgusting thighs." michael tries to soud harsh, to snap at the younger one, but he can't. it all goes away when his voice is shaking and cracking.

"michael, you have to let me help." he begs once more, as if it would change michael's mind, and maybe it will.

"what are you going to do? shove food down my throat? not let me use the bathroom for two hours after we eat? are you going to take me to therapy? let me tell you luke i am not crazy. i do not need a place like that. i am perfectly fine the way i am. i don't need you to babysit me!" michael fumes, his face going an angry red.

"i don't want to make you feel helpless, i just want you to feel important. i want you to be happy again." there's a long silence between the two as the words sink into his broken skin.

"fine. but if you're going to stay, stay. if you're going to leave, do it today and don't look back. if you're going to talk, say what you mean. if you lie to me, just once, i'm going back to syd ney."

a/n: um I tried to make this lengthy.

Pretend michael has freckles ok

I've never written anything this serious before idek

I changed my profile pic to me awe

I'm so brave

Lawl