Unsaid Words

What Happened?

Jim woke up slumped over onto the kitchen table. He was still wearing his clothes from yesterday. His hair was sticking up in the front, and his tie was hanging off the back of his collar.

He sat up suddenly, as if only waking up then. His nausea rose up in him quickly. He coughed, tasting stomach acid in his mouth.

Once again, Jim found himself wondering what had happened the previous night. Jim got the sense that Seb had given up trying to get him to go to sleep and had left him there. Judging by the fact that Jim's pants were still on, Jim hadn't followed him.

Jim stumbled to his feet, feeling his head spinning. He stumbled to the bathroom. He tried the handle. It was locked.

"Sebastian, are you in there?" Jim asked, his exhaustion shown in his voice.

"Leave me alone," Seb said. His voice was scratchy, as if he'd been crying.

"Are you okay?" Jim asked, surprised.

"Leave me alone!" Seb shouted.

"What happened?" Jim asked.

"You happened, you b—-h," Seb sobbed.

"What the hell..." Jim muttered. "I just need to throw up!"

"Throw up somewhere else!"

Jim grumbled and walked toward the trash can in the kitchen. The lid fell and hit his head after throwing up for the second time and accidentally shaking the trash can.

After a few hours, Seb emerged from the bathroom. His clothes were completely soaked through and his eyes looked swollen and bloodshot.

"Are you okay?" Jim repeated.

Seb glared angrily at him and walked into his room. He shut the door and locked it behind him.

Jim walked into the bathroom. Water was still running into the shower drain, but there wasn't any water on the shower walls. So Seb had been in the shower for a long time in the same position with the water off. Seb had fallen asleep in the shower. Something was seriously wrong.

When Seb left his room to use the bathroom, Jim found Seb's phone and looked at his texts. He had sent three texts to Rebecca in the last few hours.

"Becca I swear it wasn't what it looked like"

"I love you"

"Please?"

All the messages showed that they had been read quickly after they had been sent, but Rebecca hadn't texted back.
Jim thought about what Seb had said. "You happened." It seemed like Jim must've been harassing Seb again last night and Becca must've walked in on it. It must've looked like Seb was cheating on her.

Jim's stomach twisted. This was his fault.

Jim knocked on Rebecca's door nervously.
"Who is it?"
Jim hadn't ever talked personally to Rebecca, but he didn't think her voice regularly sounded like she had been crying for an hour straight.
"It's Jim?" Jim said unsurely. "Seb's boss?"
"What the h—- do you want?" Rebecca asked, seeming to get herself together.
"I wanted to explain everything," Jim answered. "Please?"
Jim heard footsteps coming toward the door. Rebecca opened the door.
Jim saw her for the first time (that he remembered). She had wavy brown hair pulled up into a messy, effortless-looking ponytail. She wasn't wearing any makeup, but there was a black smudge on the side of her hand that suggested that she had been at one point. The edges of her eyes were red, as if she'd been rubbing them a lot.
Jim awkwardly held out a bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates.
"You didn't have to..." Rebecca stuttered, shocked at his generosity.
"It's okay; I'm loaded," Jim joked. "Can I... come in?"
"Sure," Rebecca said, offering a weak smile.
She gestured inside. Jim walked inside. He could see that Seb and Rebecca had lived together for a long time (as in gseveral years) as the signs from force of habit from both of them were laid across the flat.
Rebecca gestured to one of the four chairs around the table. Jim couldn't help but notice that it wasn't one of the two well-worn ones. Jim sat down, setting the flowers and chocolates down.
Becca sat by him.
"So what happened?" Becca asked. "What's your excuse?"
"Um..." Jim said awkwardly. "I kind of don't remember what happened. That tends to happen with me."
Rebecca sighed and put her face in her hands.
"He got you drunk, didn't he?" she sighed.
"No," Jim corrected quickly. "I went out without him (because he wouldn't want to come anyways) and got myself drunk. From what he's told me, I act like a sl— when I'm drunk, so this is probably entirely my fault."
"What does 'act like a sl—' entail?" Rebecca asked, looking nervous of the answer.
"Harassing him," Jim admitted.
"No," Rebecca refused, shaking her head no. "He would've told me."
"He thought you'd just worry and come after me in my sleep and he thought he could deal with it by himself," Jim explained.
"G—d—-it; that does sound like him," Rebecca sighed, putting her face back in her hands.
"What did you walk in on, just out of curiosity?" Jim asked, not able to hold the question in any longer.
"He was pinning you down right in front of the door," Rebecca said, looking like she was about to start sobbing. "Like he wasn't even trying to hide it."
"What was his expression?" Jim asked, feeling he needed more context.
Rebecca bit her lip.
"Was he angry?" Jim asked. "Because he probably was," he explained, not wanting her to have to go through more pain in talking about it. "He seems like he'd get aggravated when he's around me when I'm like that."
"No," Rebecca said, shaking his head. "But it didn't look like he was enjoying it either. He looked... hungry."
Jim bit his lip.
"I know that Seb didn't tell you about being bi..."
"He told you?" Rebecca asked, anger sparking in her eyes. "And not me? And now you expect me to believe he wasn't cheating on me?"
"No," Jim corrected. "He didn't tell me. I paid people to tell me about his past. I do that with everyone who works in any way for me. They all came up with the same thing: Seb's been with multiple guys in his life. They weren't all when he was nineteen or anything like that; they were fairly recent. Not as in when he was with you, but a bit before he joined the army with you. So I kept that in, just in case the opportunity arose. When he casually mentioned that you weren't worried because you knew he wasn't gay, I let him know that I knew about him being bi. So he couldn't quit or I'd tell you. A couple days later, I came back to my flat drunk as h—-. And I've done the same thing, once a week, on the same day, since then. From what he told me, I tried my hardest to turn him on, anything from pushing him into the wall to making him fall over 'on accident'. I guess it finally worked last night."
Rebecca bit her lip, as if feeling this was no better.
"If a guy you met somewhere started acting sexy to you, eventually you'd be turned on too," Jim continued. "It happens with everyone."
"Of course you'd know that," Rebecca sighed.
"If it helps Seb's case, I think he slept in the shower in his suit last night," Jim said.
"With the water on the whole time?" Rebecca asked.
Jim shrugged.
"I was passed out in the kitchen; I've no idea," he answered. "And he looked like he'd been sobbing for hours."
"It's not like that was the last straw, through," Rebecca sighed. "Nothing like this has ever happened before. I've never been given any reason to think he's been cheating on me. I think you're right. It was probably just because you were being a sl— at him."
"Do you want to go see him and sort things out?" Jim asked. "I don't think he'd have a problem with it. I think he really misses you."
"I look like sh—, though," Rebecca protested.
"To be honest, he probably looks worse," Jim admitted.
Rebecca nodded.
"Yeah, I'll go see him," she decided. "And thanks for coming over to talk. I thought you were a psychopath, to be honest."
"I am," Jim assured her. "We're
just really good at pretending not to be. You'd be surprised."
"Thanks for the flowers and chocolates," Rebecca said, standing up.
"No problem," Jim said, standing up after her. "Let's go cheer Seb up."

Rebecca stood awkwardly behind Jim, hugging herself.
Jim unlocked the flat door and walked inside, gesturing for Rebecca to follow. He shut the door behind him.
"Hey, Sebastian," Jim called. "Where are you?"
"Leave me alone!"
Seb's scratchy voice came from inside his room. Jim tried the door handle. It was locked.
"Seb, can you let me in please?" Jim asked gently.
"No!" Seb shouted. "I d—n hate you!"
"I have someone here you might want to see," Jim said.
"Seb?" Rebecca asked, moving closer to the door. "You in there?"
Seb didn't say anything. Jim heard him walking toward the door. The door unlocked with a click and he opened it.
Seb was wearing his pajamas. His ruffled hair was still wet. His eyes looked even more bloodshot than before.
Rebecca pulled him into a hug. He didn't hesitate in hugging her back. They both sank onto their knees, still holding onto each other.
"I missed you," Rebecca whispered, looking like she didn't want to let go.
"I'm so sorry," Seb sobbed into her shoulder. "I shouldn't've let this happen. I let it happen and I'm so sorry."
Jim felt awkward watching them crying on each other.
Rebecca rubbed his back, saying nothing.
After a few long moments, Rebecca spoke.
"Seb, I've been thinking," she said. "I think we might need some space for a bit."
"Okay."
"Just because our situation isn't really working for me right now."
"Okay."
Jim was surprised at this. He had just wanted to get Seb in a better mood. This might not have helped anything.
"This is getting weird," Rebecca laughed quietly, her voice shaking.
"Yeah," Seb agreed.
They pulled away from each other and stood up.
"I guess... I'll see you around," Rebecca said, going back to hugging herself.
Seb nodded stiffly. Rebecca left without another word.
Once Jim couldn't hear her footsteps anymore, he spoke.
"How are you?"
Seb sighed. "Fine."
"Sure as h—- you are," Jim scoffed. "How are you actually?"
"Sh—ty," Seb sighed. "But better. I get where she's coming from. I'd still be suspicious too."
Jim nodded, a question rising in him.
"Rebecca told me what she walked in on," Jim began, wondering how to phrase the question, "and she said your expression was... questionable. You weren't actually trying to...?"
"No!" Seb burst.
Jim took a step back, unsure of what Seb would do.
"I G—d—- hate you and you're thinking I wanted to...!" Seb said, not sure how to express his thoughts. He quickly regained himself. "No. I didn't."
"Sorry," Jim apologized quickly. "I was just curious, that's all."
"I'm going to sleep; I didn't get much last night," Seb sighed, walking into his room and locking the door behind him.
Jim bit his tongue, thinking. Seb's quick defense of himself was suggestive. Jim wished he could remember what had happened. One thing was for sure: he needed to stop getting drunk as h—- if he wanted to remember anything.