Unsaid Words

More Nightmares and Accusations

Jim stepped into the flat, not bothering to knock.

"Sebby, I'm home!" Jim called.

"I know, I saw it on the news," Seb called.

His voice came from Jim's left, from their bedroom.

"Are you...?" Jim laughed, moving to open the door.

"Maybe..."

"Sebby..." Jim laughed. He opened the door.

Seb had the sheets pulled up to his chest, but Jim was almost completely sure he wasn't wearing anything underneath them.

Jim walked around to Seb, slipping underneath the sheets with him. Seb moved over him, gently closing a hand around his throat.

"That's hot," Jim whispered, sliding his suit jacket off.

Seb smiled. Just before he lowered himself all the way onto him, Jim reached up and touched his face softly.

"Hey Seb," Jim whispered, locking his eyes onto Seb's.

"Yeah?" Seb breathed.

"I love you," Jim whispered, smiling.

"I know."

This threw Jim off. He had been sure that Seb would return the comment.
Seb's expression changed. Jim tried to sit up, but Seb pushed him back down with his free hand roughly, no longer bothering to be nice. Jim squirmed away, but Seb tightened his hold on Jim's throat. Jim closed a hand around Seb's wrist, trying to pull him away, but Seb just put his other hand around Jim's throat as well.

Jim kicked out at him, but he couldn't see where the rest of Seb's body was because of how Seb was keeping Jim's head completely upright with one of his thumbs. Jim felt his air be cut off in a split second when Seb closed his fists just a bit tighter. Jim tried to tear his hands away with all his strength, but it was hard to focus on that when his vision was blurring with tears forced out of his eyes from Seb squeezing the life out of him. His head felt like it was being separated from his torso. Jim tried to push some sort of plea out of his mouth, but he couldn't make a sound besides an almost-silent choking noise.

"Look at how damn pathetic you are," Seb said thoughtfully. "So easily trusting."

Jim suddenly realized that his tears were no longer from being forced out of his eyes from the pressure.

Jim's vain movements to get away gradually slowed. Accompanied with them was a grave feeling of defeat. One word was stuck Jim's mind: pathetic. The man he loved thought he was pathetic. And Jim agreed with him.

~

Jim woke up crying again. He opened his wet eyes, hoping to see Seb's worried eyes looking at him, but he was staring up at his cellmate. What was his name again? Gregory. That's it.

"Are you okay?" Gregory asked, clearly concerned. "You were crying in your sleep."

"I'm fine; bad dream," Jim muttered, rolling over.

"You kept saying 'Sebastian' over and over. Who's Sebastian?"

"Someone made up from my dream," Jim muttered, refusing to look at him.

"No, that's not how dreams work," Gregory contradicted. "Even if someone was made up in your dream, you wouldn't remember his name or be saying it like that. Who's Sebastian?"

"No one," Jim lied, shutting his eyes determinedly.

"Fine. Just saying, if you need to talk..."

"Get the hell away before a guard notices you."

"Fine."

Jim shut his eyes tight, tears still sliding down his cheeks. He hurriedly wiped them away, embarrassed. He wished he could see Seb's face, even just for a moment. He wanted badly to know that Seb loved him too. It was tearing him apart not knowing.

~

Jim stood facing the judge in the front of the room, feeling bored as hell. The opposition was boring him, especially since he wasn't even going to offer any defense.

Once Jim's lawyer stood up and announced that they weren't offering any defense, Jim turned around to face the small audience behind him. He found John easily and grimaced, as if saying "sorry!" Jim turned back around smiling, knowing exactly how this would end. He would be found not guilty. He would get away.

~

Jim walked up the stairs to his flat, smiling to himself. Everything was going according to plan.

Jim found his short meeting with Sherlock a bit boring. He didn't figure things out quick enough for Jim. However, he made decent tea.

Jim made his way to his own flat, hoping Seb would be home.

"Hey, Seb, I'm home!" Jim called, walking inside.

"Hi," Seb called from the kitchen. "I just got lunch, but I didn't get you any because I wasn't sure how long you'd be at Sherlock's place."

Seb said it matter-of-factly. It was almost cold.

"What's wrong?" Jim asked, walking into the kitchen and sitting in front of him.

He wasn't sure what he had expected to happen when he got home, but he hadn't expected that.

Seb glanced briefly away from his food at Jim.

"Your tie is a bit loose," he said coldly. "Did Sherlock like it that much?"

Jim stumbled over his thoughts, not sure how to reply.

Seb sighed, leaning backwards and folding his arms.

"I'm not cheating on you," Jim said firmly.

"Can you prove it?" Seb asked, sitting back and folding his arms. "Can I call Sherlock and ask him if you've ever fucked him?"

"Seb..." Jim sighed, putting his face in his hands. "That would throw my entire plan off. You can after my plan is done."

"And how long would that take?" Seb asked.

"A couple months, give or take," Jim shrugged, feeling frustrated at how quickly things had escalated.

"And that'll be a couple months you won't be staying here," Seb said seriously.

"Please?" Jim asked. "Can you give me a chance? I promise I won't leave as often anymore. I'll be better. I promise. Please?"

He gave Seb the saddest possible eyes he could. Not the usual pouty, but pleading. It was manipulative, but if it was going to keep Seb with him, it was worth it.

"I'll give you a week," Seb sighed, putting his face in his hands.

"Thank you," Jim said, the tension disappearing from his chest in an instant. It was replaced with relief.

Seb didn't reply. He stared down into his food. He took another bite, probably so he didn't have to talk to Jim anymore.

When they went to bed, Jim couldn't help but feel that there was a wall between them. Jim wanted to hold him, to let Seb know that Jim loved him, but it didn't feel right. So Jim stared at the wall, facing away from Seb, wondering if the week Seb was giving him would even be worth it if it made him feel so damn awful about himself. Jim wondered if anything he said would get Seb to believe he loved him. But actions speak louder than words.

Jim thought about his plan to pretend to shoot himself. He would have to do it if he ever wanted the tension between Seb and him to end.

Jim wondered if Seb was asleep yet.