Unsaid Words

Jim laid in bed on his side, not really trying to sleep. Seb sat beside him, doing something on his phone. Suddenly, Seb paused whatever he was doing and spoke.

"Hey Jim," he said softly. "You awake?"

"Yeah," Jim whispered, rolling over to look at him and smiling weakly.

Seb smiled back, mirroring Jim's tiredness.

"Why?" Jim asked.

"No reason," Seb said quickly, going back to his phone.

"No, what was it?" Jim asked, putting a hand to his leg to get his attention.

"Nothing," Seb repeated.

"Sebby," Jim whispered, scooting closer to him. "Please? What were you going to say?"

Seb hesitated, then spoke.

"I'm not an idiot," Seb sighed, turning his phone off.

"What do you mean?" Jim asked, confused.

In reply, Seb took Jim's subdominant arm and pulled it out to its full length. He pointed to a tiny red dot on his arm, near the inside of his elbow, composed of dried blood.

Jim didn't know what to say.

"I guess you got careless," Seb said coldly.

"What...?" Jim stuttered.

"Where do you keep your stash?" Seb asked coldly. "The back of the closet in that cardboard box that you pretend doesn't exist?"

Jim went pale.

"This shit is illegal, Jim!" Seb said angrily.

"Are you angry at me?" Jim asked, feeling ashamed.

"I'm angry you went behind my back!" Seb replied. "This'll kill you, Jim! I can't believe I'm saying this, but this is worse than your old drinking problem!"

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," Jim whispered.

"No you're not," Seb scoffed, pulling the sheets up to his chin and rolling onto the side facing away from Jim. "You don't love me."

"You don't want someone like me loving you, Seb," Jim whispered, staring at the back of his head.

Seb didn't reply.

Jim rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. A thought came into his head.

"Do you love me?" he asked.

"I don't know yet," Seb answered, the anger gone from his voice.

Jim rolled over to face him and put an arm over him. Seb slipped his fingers between Jim's, holding his hand.

"I'm sorry," Jim whispered. "I just didn't know how to tell you."

"It's okay," Seb whispered, reaching out and turning the lights off. He rolled over and slipped his arms around Jim.

"Just know I'm here for you."

Jim curled into him.

"Goodnight," he whispered.

"Goodnight."

Seb kissed his forehead gently.
Jim smiled softly at his touch.

~

When Jim woke up, he expected Seb to still be asleep, as Seb always slept in much longer than Jim did. However, Seb was already out of bed. Jim could smell something cooking.

He climbed out of bed, pulling a dressing gown on as he went.

"Hey, Seb," he called. "Did you wake up early?"

"Yeah," Seb called. "C'mere, I'm making breakfast!"

"You made me food?" Jim asked, walking into the kitchen.

"Yeah!" Seb called. "When your twin brother is a professional chef, you tend to pick up a few things."

Jim popped over his shoulder, throwing his arms around his waist.

"Good morning, sunshine," Seb said, clearly not minding Jim's touch.

"Good morning," Jim replied. "What are you making?"

"Pancakes," Seb answered.

"Mm," Jim whispered, propping his chin on Seb's shoulder.

"I'm going to stop you there," Seb sang.

"Why?" Jim asked.

"Because you were going to say something about my dick," Seb said.

"No I wasn't!" Jim protested.

"Hell yes you were," Seb sang.

"Okay I was," Jim laughed. "But can you blame me?"

"God, stop!" Seb laughed.

Jim smiled and leaned into Seb's back. He took a deep breath.

"You're really comfortable," Jim whispered.

"Hey Jim," Seb said, pausing.

"Yeah?" Jim asked.

"Let's have sex after we eat, okay?"

"Okay," Jim conceded.

He suddenly wanted to say he loved Seb, but he held back. He didn't know if Seb would say it back.

~

Jim sat beside Seb at the table, not believing how good his cooking was. He briefly set his fork down.

"Seb, this tastes amazing," Jim said. "I didn't know you could cook so well."

"To be honest, I was talking to Severin the whole time," Seb laughed. "Oh! I forgot something."

He stood up and walked back into the kitchen. He returned with a bottle of wine and two glasses. As he poured, he talked.

"Severin said it'd taste better with wine," Seb said.

"Are you just trying to get me drunk?" Jim asked, a smile on his face.

"Maybe," Seb said, a sly smile flickering across his mouth.

Jim smiled back. Seb kissed his cheek and sat back down.

Once they were finished with dinner, Seb stood up and offered his hand to Jim.

"Would you like to dance?" Seb asked.
Jim nodded, not sure of what else to say.

Seb pulled him to his feet, putting an arm around his waist. Jim put a hand on Seb's collarbone, resting his forearm on Seb's chest.

Seb began waltzing Jim quickly around the kitchen, quicker than Jim thought he would. He stepped on Jim's feet on purpose, making Jim laugh.

After a few moments of this, Seb slowed down until he and Jim were slowly revolving in the center of the kitchen. Jim leaned his head on Seb's chest, matching his breathing to Seb's. He could feel Seb's steady heartbeat.

"You're the best," Jim sighed.

"I know," Seb said, smiling.

Seb picked Jim's head up and gently kissed him.

Jim wished he could tell Seb he loved him, but he couldn't. There was no way Seb would say it back. After all, who in a million years would love someone like him?