Unsaid Words

The Fall

Jim sat on the edge of the roof, feeling the thin packet of fake blood tucked underneath his hair. It was uncomfortable, but it'd be gone soon enough.

He slipped his phone out of his pocket and began typing a new text. He had thought about what he should say for a while, and he had eventually decided on "I'm so sorry but this is goodbye".

He kept his phone out, as he knew Seb would call. That didn't mean Jim would answer, though.

Seb received the text and immediately read it. His heart dropped into his stomach. He reread it, not believing it.

Seb jumped off of the couch and ran to get his jacket. He wasn't going to let this happen. Not in a million years. He called Jim, praying that he'd pick up.

Jim's ringtone rang out across the roof, but Jim didn't even look to see if it was Seb calling him. He already knew it was him. Anyways, 'Stayin Alive' would make for a good psychopathic comment about how boring Jim found staying alive when Sherlock arrived later.

After Seb stared at his phone for a full ten seconds as Jim let it ring out, he gave up. He put his phone away and yanked the door open. He didn't bother to close it again. What could be stolen from him that wasn't already gone?

Jim heard Sherlock coming before he came. Sherlock stepped out onto the roof, his hands clasped behind his back. He seemed calm, but Jim knew he was running through all of the possibilities in his head again.

Jim didn't look at him. He stared over the edge of the roof, at the ground below. He could feel the weight of Seb's gun in his pocket. It was almost heavier than his heart.

Seb sprinted out of the flat building, zipping his jacket up as he went. He knew where Jim was. That was the only thing Jim had told him about his and Sherlock's last meeting. Seb hated himself for not asking more questions about this, for not being more skeptical. Now it was too late.

Jim couldn't help but wonder how Seb was reacting. He wondered if Seb was on his way already or if he was in shock at home still.

Seb made the conscious decision not to call a cab. They would drive far too slowly, and St. Bart's hospital wasn't too far away. Seb could sprint there faster than any cab would go. He ran out of the flat building's front door and began sprinting down the street. He wished he was a bit more fit, as fit as he used to be, so he could reach Jim before he... no. Seb couldn't even consider that as a possibility. He just couldn't.

Jim let Sherlock figure his plan out. To be honest, Jim didn't care if Sherlock figured out what he was about to do. Nothing could stop Jim from carrying his plan out. Even Sherlock grabbing Jim's coat collar and almost throwing him off St. Bart's roof didn't phase Jim. Nothing could phase him now.

Seb saw St Bart's at the end of the street. He was so close. Even though his lungs were screaming at him to stop, he ran harder still. He wondered how he would get Jim to stop. Maybe kissing or holding him tightly in his arms would change his mind. Seb wished he had seen that something wasn't right with Jim before after their fight. All the signs shone out at him now. Jim being more introverted, waking up from nightmares more often, having less spells of boredom, and spending longer amounts of time in the bathroom getting high. Seb hadn't tried to get him to stop, as he hadn't wanted to get involved in that part of Jim's life, but he wished he would've done so much more for him now. God, everything felt like his fault.

Jim stared up at Sherlock's light eyes. They were light colored, but dark with, not anger, but danger. Sherlock was clearly trying to say "I am not below you so stop acting like I'm a peasant under your reign and I could destroy you if I tried but I don't want to right now." For the first time in his life, Jim acknowledged someone's worth. As he firmly shook Sherlock's hand, he wondered how the hell he'd gotten there. He realized that he didn't care.

"As long as I'm alive, you can save your friends," Jim said. "Well good luck with that."

He pulled Seb's gun out of his pocket, pointed it up his mouth, and fired the blank inside it.

Sherlock gasped and moved away quickly. Jim fell backwards onto the ground and left his eyes wide open.

As Seb ran up to St. Bart's doors, he heard a gunshot from somewhere above. He prayed that Jim was okay. He had to be. Seb didn't know what he would do if... no.

Jim left his eyes wide open, feeling the fake blood seeping through his hair and onto the pavement. He looked like a psychopath with a smile like that on his face, but he didn't care. A psychopath was all Sherlock saw him as.

Jim listened to Sherlock say goodbye to John, not really hearing what he was saying. When Jim heard the air in Sherlock's coat as he fell (towards an inflated airbag), Jim closed his eyes and neutralized his expression for Seb. He didn't want to have to see Seb's face or have Seb see his psychopathic expression.

Seb sprinted up St. Bart's stairs, as he knew he could run up stairs faster than the elevator could possibly go. He ran onto the roof, throwing the door open.

"Jim!" Seb called, looking around the roof for him. He saw him immediately.

Jim heard Seb's voice. He waited for Seb to do something, anything.

Seb fell over onto the ground besides Jim, pulling himself around and looking onto Jim's lifeless face. He put his hands up to Jim's face and kissed him harder than he had in a long time.

"Jim... please..." Seb whispered, kissing him again. "Wake up!"

Jim's heart twisted itself at Seb's words. Seb hadn't been lying. He'd told the truth the whole time.

"Jim please!" Seb cried, tears rolling down his cheeks. "You can't be dead! Please! I love you!"

Jim felt his heart shatter itself.

"I never said it first because I wasn't sure if you felt that way about me," Seb sobbed. "I thought you were just with me because... because... Goddamnit..."

Jim felt a drop of water fall onto his face, and he was sure it wasn't raining.

"This wasn't supposed to happen," Seb sobbed, wiping his eyes on his sleeve and sitting up. "We were supposed to get married and then adopt a girl and two redhead twin boys and we'd have to call my younger sister to explain periods to our daughter because we don't know anything about them and we were supposed to be so happy together and..."

Seb dropped his head onto Jim's chest, sobbing harder than before.

"This is my fault!" he sobbed. "I never thought you'd feel like this and I didn't get here fast enough and... oh God... I need to smoke." He sat up again and pulled a pack of cigarettes out of the inside pocket of his jacket. He couldn't find the lighter, but remembered where he'd left it.

Jim felt Seb's hand slip inside his jacket and pull his lighter out. He could feel Seb's hands shaking. After a few moments, Jim smelled smoke.

"What the hell am I going to do?" Seb whispered, falling backwards. "I don't know what to do."

Jim wanted so badly to tell Seb that he was alive, but he couldn't. Seb would be so angry with him if he found out. So Jim just laid there, listening to Seb cry, not knowing what to do.