The Heart Wants What It Wants

12

Monday was never an easy day for her.  It usually proved to be the most chaotic and busiest day of the work week at the office.  Coupled with her mood and inability to focus, in addition to James' concerned text asking if she was alright, she was ready to snap by the time she left work that evening.  

After changing out of her work clothes, she called James to see if they could talk, knowing it was his day off.  She needed to be upfront with him,, whether it cost her his affections or not.

He agreed to come right over, and within a few minutes, his soothing presence was standing in her kitchen, embracing her tightly.

"I knew something was wrong last night.  Not that I'm complaining, but when you showed up, attacked me, went about it like you were on a mission, and then left right afterward..."

"We've not known each other long, only a few days, but I feel like you must think awful things of me."

"All you have to do is decide who makes you happy.  That's truly as complicated as this has to be.  If you enjoy being around me and I make you happy...I certainly think you'd be happier with me."

She rested her face in her palms, groaning softly as she tried to avoid hurting him with the blunt truth.

"If you love someone," he touched her chin, "it doesn't just stop because they've done you wrong.  You still have love for them and you still will have feelings for a while.  Some take days or weeks to get over someone and some take months or years.  It took me a while so I know."

His words made a lot of sense, and he was probably right: she needed to choose.

"My indecisiveness will be the death of me."

"Let me ask you this.  If a friend of yours going through this, what would you advise her?"

"I'd tell her to choose you, but no one knows him like I do.  We've both made mistakes."

He leaned back in the sofa and pulled her with him, wrapping his arms around her as she rested her cheek on his chest.  

"Just breathe for a few minutes."

"I may fall asleep like this and skip dinner," she said grumpily, sighing as she tried to relax.

"No you won't.  Just relax.  Clear your mind for a minute.  Clear it of me, clear it of him, clear it of your job...just breathe."

His voice, muffled with her ear to his chest, soothed and relaxed her.  She felt the tension leaving her body as she cleared her head better than she'd managed to in the last few days.  

She thought of no one and nothing, just waves on the shore of Brighton on the last sunny day she'd spent there a few years ago.

He didn't talk for a while, and when he finally did, it was as though she was listening to a wise guru.

"You need to take a yoga class, and learn to meditate and center yourself.  My sister got me into this, and believe it or not, it helps a lot.  Come with me to a class.  Let's get you another job where your mornings are free and you can start working on you."

She didn't open her eyes or bristle at his suggestion.  It wasn't the first time someone had tried to persuade her to quit her stressful job.

"You're right.  I'm tired.  I can't keep doing this."

"I'm no expert at this, but I want to help.  Let me help you."

His hands rubbed her arms soothingly, relaxing her further.

"How?"

"Send him a text.  You can say that you've made your decision and it's final, and wish him well.  Tell him you're changing your number, effective immediately.  Also tell him that if he contacts you again you'll be forced to take legal protective action."