The Heart Wants What It Wants

13

The next few days were busy and soon sex became a back-burner project, the last thing she was concerned about.  

The night she'd made a decision to say goodbye to Draco and changed her number, she and James had gone out for dinner and then back to his place together.  

With just an overnight bag and an impulsive heart, his warmth and comforting nature convinced her she was doing the right thing.

He'd held her that night and suggested they wait on having sex again until her head was clear, and the pattern continued that way for days.

She'd honestly been happy to enjoy the peace that had followed since she'd made her decision, and hadn't cared about wanting another try at an orgasm.  It seemed like a fair trade so far, to feel peaceful and safe instead of feeling alive or some passion.

She did find another job working at a bookstore part-time near his apartment and had unofficially moved in with him.  It didn't pay enough to cover her rent and to help with part of his, but James had insisted that she not worry about it.

He also suggested she speak with her landlord about quitting her lease three months early, which surprisingly was agreed upon, starting January 1st.  She would not have to continue to pay until the end of March while not living there. 

By nearly the middle of December, she'd begun to feel a delicate truce settling over her heart, feeling more calm and peaceful since removing herself from all interactions with Draco.

She'd been attending the yoga class James went to twice each week, only she was there five mornings a week.  It had been difficult to do most of the poses, as she wasn't as flexible as most in the class.  However, she'd befriended a woman nearly her age and joined the back row, consisting of the two of them, James occasionally, another man, and an older woman.

The meditation she'd learned had become a priority for her daily routine, even on the days she didn't go to class.  It was as though she'd traded passion and lust for zen and tranquility.

"I feel like I'm less Sith and more Jedi now," she'd joked to James one day after class, and had joked about her lightsaber switching colors.  

She even bought a Fitbit watch and began walking more and more between her afternoon/evening job and her free time.  She arranged to be off on Sundays and Mondays with her boss, agreeing to be available on the other days as needed, and found herself playing house as she'd once referred to it.

Not only was she accompanying James to his family's house for their Christmas luncheon, but she was also planning on speaking with her doctor the week of New Years about her fertility and what options she still had.

She'd never wanted to be an unmarried or single mother, but she knew that James was over the moon about her.  Even if they didn't stay together in the long run, he would certainly make a great father.

When she closed the store early on Christmas Eve at 5 and hurried the couple of blocks back to his apartment, she couldn't wait to see him.

James had mentioned something about coming straight home after work, which he'd never asked her to do before, so her footsteps were a little more rushed than usual.

By the time she'd put her key in the lock, the one he'd made for her, she could hardly wait to get inside and find out what the big rush was about.  

She nearly dropped her purse from under her arm when she saw the sight in front of her.  

He'd lowered the lights and candles were glowing all over the place.  There was music playing, and not random radio tunes.  It sounded like very sexy R&B music, the kind you play when you know your parents aren't coming to dinner.