Innocence Lost (Negan x OC)

rebuilding

About a month had passed since everything happened. Time went so slow. Prior to this, everything seemed to go by so quickly. 

I'm not going to lie- things haven't been easy. We kept Negan in a cellar at Hilltop while we fixed Alexandria after the war. We were rebuilding things. It was tough but the work kept me from thinking of him. I never got any sleep. I thought of him constantly. When I could sleep, I dreamed about his touch and his voice. I dreamed about everything we had together. It fucking sucked not being able to get away from someone, even when you slept. I also dreamt about Tyler and Willow. 

Rick and I ended up bringing them back to Alexandria where we buried them next to Carl. I visited the graves often. I talked to them a lot. I know I sounded fucking crazy, and maybe I was, but it helped me cope. 

Alexandria was almost rebuilt. A few things needed fixed but we moved back in. I was aiming for a house of my own but with the housing being so limited, Rick and Michonne had me stay with them. I didn't mind. I loved being around them. Judith loved it, too. I didn't leave my room too often unless it was to help build. I didn't want to be around anyone if I was being honest. I felt guilty 24/7 and I honestly didn't think the feeling would ever subside.  

Negan was in a cell in the basement of the infirmary. He had an open window to look out of but other than that, I didn't know much about him. I didn't want to know. I was trying to get over him. 

"You should eat something." A voice called from the door to my bedroom. I turned to look and saw Rick standing in the doorway. He had his arms crossed, a worried look on his face. I sighed and turned my body towards him fully on my bed.

"I'm not hungry. I've been nauseous as hell lately. I wake myself up sometimes because I need to throw up." I said as I looked down at my hands. It was true. I don't know if I was sick or what, but I wanted it to go away. 

"Have you visited Siddiq?" He asked as he walked into my room. He sat down on my bed next to me with a huff, his presence making me feel better than I had felt in the last few hours. I shook my head, my eyes still trained on my hands in my lap. 

"I don't want to bother him. It's probably nothing." I looked up to meet his gaze. His eyes sparkled as the morning sun cascaded through my window. Something about the way he looked at me always made me feel like things were going to be fine. And they usually were. 

"Plus, I don't want to scare Judith. I know she worries about me. Remember how long she clung on to me after I hurt myself fixing that house?" I smiled and he chuckled while nodding. All I did was hit my hand with a hammer and she acted like I was going to die. She was by my side for about a week, minimum.

"Fair enough, but I still want you to go. Just to make sure. I can't risk it." He said and my heart fell a little bit. Every time he showed how much he cared for me it always hit me right in the heart. Losing Carl was bad enough and now his only goal was to look after Judith, Michonne and I.  

I rolled my eyes but gave him a small smile.

"Fine. I'll go see him today. Just please don't tell Judith." I laughed and he joined me. He patted my shoulder before he stood and went over to the door. Before he left, he stopped and looked at me.

"How did you even manage to almost break your finger with a hammer? Are you that bad at carpentry?" He teased. My mouth fell open and I looked at him with wide eyes. Did he just make a joke? 

I grabbed a pillow from my bed and threw it at him. The fabric only caught his leg as he ran out the door, his light laugh echoing in the hallway.

-

I chewed the last bite of my lunch slowly, trying as hard as I could to savor it. I knew it would probably come back up in an hour but I still ate. I had ate a shit ton today. After Rick harped on me about seeing Siddiq I had lunch with him, Michonne, and Judith. It was nice being together again.