Trust- (s.m)

2

S H A W N-

Missing her was an understatement.

I was going crazy without her, completely crazy because she was everything to me. She was the only girl I had ever loved in my life this much and she was like my first real girlfriend but I ruined it.

I wish I could take everything back and restart over without taking the stupid deal from Luciano.

I missed her sweet laugh.

And her beautiful smile that made my heart skip a beat every time I saw it.

I ruined it all.

Everything.

She probably moved back to Ohio because when I stopped by her apartment, Zack had a restraining order put on me so I couldn't even enter the building at all. But I guess I deserve it.

My heart was broken and it was painful because I didn't know what to do. All I know is that I'm the reason she probably hates me and I'm the reason for my own pain. 

"I don't know what to do" I practically cried laying my head down on the counter top of the bar.

I had to keep drinking my pain because that was the only thing that made it go away for a while.

"Well sir, shall I tell you something?" Don said one of my men from my gang.

There was so much that happened in six months. I was made leader of Luciano's gang because he was killed, which I was to happy about. His last wish was to give his gang to me and for everyone to obey me. Life was hard and I was  complete and an utter mess.

"Go on" I say with a sigh looking up at Don.

"I know what Luciano made you do was horrible and completely wrong. But I don't understand when there was a chance for you to tell her the truth all you did was continue to play and hurt her heart. Why did you do it?" He says and every single one of his truth words were piercing me.

"Luciano that son of a bitch kept threatening me and saying he would kill my mother and sister. With his threats I was so terrified and I didn't have any power to take him down. But that was my mistake which was listening to his threats, all of this made me loose Valery and I regret it still till this day" I explain before swinging back my drink, the strong liquid burning my throat.

"She probably hates me. Of course she does the only person she ever trusted betrayed her and was in plan to kill her. I wouldn't blame her go hating me" I groaned and Don just silently shrugged.

"I'll tell you honestly she had nothing but a pure heart to love with. She showed me how to love and brought so much joy into my life, I can't believe how much I risked to loose her" I say with tears prickling in my eyes.

"She was the girl who only loved me when sometimes I treated her like complete shit. I hate myself for doing that to a precious soul like her." I say with tears now streaming down my face.

Oh how much I missed her. It hurt a lot.

"Don" I say easing my glass up for him to pour more drink into my glass which he did before I knocked back the whole glass like it was a shot.

"I'm going to give you some advice Don" I say and he nods mumbling a quiet 'yes sir'.

"When you finally meet someone who tries their hardest to be with you no matter how difficult you are, stay with them. Because finding someone who is is willing to be with you at all cost doesn't happen everyday" I say and he just looked down at me giving me a simple nod.

For a minute I broke into a complete sob as I buried my face into my hands sobbing. This would happen almost every time I spoke about her.

I took a deep breath and wiped my eyes look at Don, who didn't know what to do.

"I swear you tell anyone I was crying I will fucking strangle you" I threatened slamming my hand on the counter top and he just put his hands up in surrender.

I stood up and walked out of the bar and I made my way down the hall where two of my guys were outside of my room protecting it because it was their job. "Don't come in" I spat at them before I stormed into my room slamming the door with full force before collapsing on to my bed.

I screamed in frustration and pain before I clutched  the yellow fluffy blanket. The only thing I had of her that smelled so sweet like her. Every time I was angry or upset I pulled it out and smelled it and it immediately made me relax.

I grabbed my phone and locked at my lock screen which was a picture of Valery eating a cheeseburger, her wide smile made my heart hurt. My tears slipped on to the screen of my phone and I took everything not to smash my phone completely.

I went into my bathroom and washed my face with cold water. I looked into the mirror with red eyes but I continued to wash my face so it didn't look like I cried. I wiped my face and decided it was time for bed.

I stared at my phone in my hands just looking at her beautiful face just remembering the very day I took the photo.

*** "Cheeseburgers are my fucking favourite, I could eat this for the rest of my life" she says with a satisfactory moan as she bit into her burger again.

I laughed at her as I watched ketchup drip into her chin. She wiped it off and continued to eat her burger with content. "I don't think I have ever made you happy then this burger" I tease and she just laughed.

I grabbed my phone and pulled up the camera and focused on her. "Smile!" I say and she grinned happily with her burger and I laughed looking at the picture.

"Let me see" she says and I show it to her and she looks at it in disgust.

"Ew I look ugly! I was trying to do a cute tumblr pose, you know those girls posing with their food. Clearly did not work" she mumbled and I shook my head.

"You look beautiful and this even better then those tumblr girls" I say and a blush creeps on her cheeks before she threw her wrapper at me.***

People say you never truly appreciate something until it's gone and I never realised how true that was because after losing Valery, my whole world crashed and I would trade anything in the world to get her back.

But I decided I wasn't going to sit and wait anymore.

I was scared and decided to give her space but now I need a plan in action, because I'm going to do everything to get her back...