Brooklyn Nine-Nine

06 | April Fools & Iridocyclitis

It was just another typical day at the precinct. Jin was turning down the brightness of his computer screen to check himself out; Yoongi was napping; Hoseok was desperately trying to wake Yoongi up; Jimin was filling out police reports faster than the speed of light; Taehyung was watching the Bee Movie on his phone; and Captain Namjoon was doing his usual, boring work.

Jungkook hated it.

He could not tolerate a regular workday on the first day of April. It was like Hell had frozen over and Judgement Day had come.

Hoseok met Jungkook's gaze in a quite uncomfortable manner. "What do you want?" he asked, taking a break from disrupting Yoongi's beauty sleep.

"You feeling alright, Sarge?" Jungkook asked, raising a brow.

Hoseok rubbed the back of his neck. He was confused that Jungkook cared enough to ask how he was and if he felt alright. He came to the conclusion that it was Jungkook that wasn't feeling alright.

"I'm... fine," Hoseok replied. "Why?"

"Are you sure you're fine?" Jungkook pressed, leaning forward in an inviting manner. "Is there anything bugging you at all?"

"I mean, I have been feeling a bit of pain in my chest lately," he admitted, walking over to Jungkook's desk with a somber expression settling in. "I don't know what it is or what caused it."

Bingo.

Jungkook fought back a smirk and turned to his computer, typing away furiously to stun him with the sudden urgency.

"This could be bad," Jungkook said. "I'm going to discuss this with a doctor that I believe can help you with whatever you need."

"Whatever I need?" Hoseok asked, beaming, while Jungkook typed WebMD in the search bar. "Jungkook, you're a lifesaver."

"Oh..." Jungkook's smile dropped when he opened up WebMD, hunching over the screen to make sure Hoseok didn't see and to emphasize the seriousness of the situation.

Hoseok frowned. "What is it?"

"You have a pain in your chest, you say?" Jungkook asked for clarification and Hoseok nodded. "It says here you have Iridocyclitis."

"Iridocyclitis? What's that?" Hoseok asked, getting worried.

Jungkook shook his head. "Sarge, I... I don't know how to say this."

"Jungkook, tell me."

"You're going to die, Sarge," Jungkook said, mocking a pained look on his face. "Your heart's going to start beating abnormally and it's going to explode and then you'll die."

Hoseok was utterly frozen, staring at Jungkook for a few moments too long. He let out a laugh and then kept laughing to ease the concern that grew.

"You're joking, right?"

"I wish that was the case, Sarge." Jungkook sighed deeply and shook his head. "You only have minutes left to live."

Hoseok gripped his chest, tugging at his shirt. "This can't be happening. I need to get to a hospital," he said and started panting. "Jungkook, I feel it."

"There's not enough time, Sarge!" Jungkook yelled. He stood up and let his voice drop to a whisper. "Listen to me very closely. I think I can save you."

"Tell me," Hoseok begged.

"Confess your love to Yoongi," Jungkook said.

"What? How's that supposed to help with anything?" he asked, scrunching up his nose.

"Are you going to question me and die or are you going to confess your love and stay alive?" Jungkook questioned.

Hoseok hesitated before marching up to Yoongi's table, groaning to himself in irritation at the sight of the sleeping officer.

"Yoongi, I just wanted to let you know that I love you," Hoseok mumbled so that only Yoongi could hear.

Yoongi shot up from his sleep. "About time," he said groggily. "You wanna fuck or something?"

"Fuck? I'm gonna die!" Hoseok yelled and walked back over to Jungkook with trembling hands.

"What the fuck..." Yoongi mumbled and settled back in his arms to sleep.

"Is that all? Am I alive now?" Hoseok asked.

"I don't know," Jungkook said solemnly. "You might have only a few minutes left, so make the most of it, pal."

Jungkook reached forward and grabbed his shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze. Tears welled up in Hoseok's eyes and he came to an acceptance within himself.

Hoseok went to the front of the room and stood on a table. "Everyone! I just wanted to tell you all that I love you and I'm glad to die"—his voice broke—"surrounded by so many of my friends."

"Can you shut the fuck up?" Jin asked.

"Shut up, Jin!" Hoseok yelled. "Anyways, I love you all!"

"You're dying?" Jimin asked.

"Yeah, I don't have long," Hoseok said morosely. "I'll miss you, Jimin."

"I'll miss you too, Sarge," Jimin said with a frown and then it was quickly replaced with a smile. "I'll make sure your job is left in good hands." He flashed a mischievous smile and walked off.

"Fuck these guys," Hoseok whined to himself.

"Sarge, I have a favor," Taehyung began.

"Yes?"

"Can I have your house when you die?" Taehyung asked. "My apartment's nice but my Gucci deserves a better home."

Hoseok buried his face in his hands. "You guys suck."

"Sergeant Jung," Namjoon called. He walked up to him with a placid look on his face. "What's all this commotion about?"

"I have chest pains and it looks like I'm gonna die soon because of Iridocyclitis," Hoseok explained. "I'm sorry, I couldn't give you a two-week's notice."

"Chest pains?" Namjoon asked, raising a brow. "Is it a burning sensation?"

"Yeah."

"Sergeant, you have heartburn," Namjoon said. "You should probably lay off the caffeine today."

"Heartburn?" Hoseok squeaked. "But Jungkook—"

"Ah, I see," Namjoon drawled, shaking his head with a chuckle. "You were tricked. Iridocyclitis has nothing to do with chest pain."

"Tricked?"

"It's the first of April—April Fool's—meaning you were..." he paused, trying to find the right words. "Boo boo the fool."

Namjoon chuckled and walked back to his office, pleasantly satisfied with the prank that Jungkook played on Hoseok. He gave Jungkook a fist bump on the way back to his office and the grin on Jungkook's face immediately disappeared when he saw Hoseok fuming.

"JEON JUNGKOOK!"

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AUTHOR'S NOTE:

NOOO I WANTED TO POST THIS YESTERDAY FOR APRIL FOOLS BUT I DIDNT

At least I didn't prank anyone like "I'm leaving Wattpad" LMAO