Brooklyn Nine-Nine

05 | Failed Dates & Terrible Friends

Jungkook was sulking in the break room and no one knew what was up with him. He had the most upsetting pout on his face and he was mumbling to himself. The officers of the precinct were worried, but they decided to just give him his space until he felt better.

However, when Jungkook drank his coffee out of an actual cup instead of his baby bottle, they decided it was time to confront their baby.

"Jungkookie, what's wrong?" Taehyung asked, placing his hands on the head of Jungkook's chair.

The other officers filed into the break room, along with Taehyung, to check up on Jungkook. They crowded around him, leaning in to see what the boy wanted to say.

Jungkook looked at them all shyly. "I'm having lady issues..."

"Cramps?" Jin asked.

"Ah, that explains your behavior," Yoongi added with a snicker.

"What are you talking about?" Jungkook asked bitterly. "I have a dick!"

"You have a convex vagina," Jin corrected.

"No!" Jungkook spluttered. "I'm going on a blind date."

"A date? With a girl?" Jimin asked.

"You're straight?" Yoongi asked.

"Of course!" Jungkook explained. "I think."

"Spoken like a true closet-case," Taehyung said.

"Anyways," Jungkook interrupted with a cough. "I have no idea what to do and I'm scared."

"Why did you decide to go on a blind date if you weren't ready, dumbass?" Taehyung asked.

Jungkook shot him a look of disgust. "You're the one who set it up!"

"Oh shit, you right."

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"What are they doing?" Namjoon asked Hoseok as he watched Taehyung and Jimin give Jungkook an intense pep-talk for his date.

"Oh, Jungkook's going on a date," Hoseok said flatly. "Maybe I should warn him about how rotten and nasty girls are. You open yourself up to trust them and they take that trust of yours and throw it to the fucking ground."

"You should just be gay," Yoongi, who was listening in, said.

"What?"

"Nothing."

Namjoon let out a heavy sigh. "As long as he's not going out during his shift, I do not care."

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"Yeah, I'm going out during my shift," Jungkook said. "Will you guys help distract the Captain for me?"

"You're leaving your shift and want me to distract the Captain?" Jimin asked. "Jungkook, that completely goes against my morals. I could never."

"I'll buy you lunch," Jungkook offered.

"Fine," Jimin complied quickly.

"Give me some tips," Jungkook said.

"Like what?" Jimin asked.

"Anything."

"Uh... treat her with respect and value her opinion," Jimin said. "Make sure you don't let her control you and tell you what to do," he finished, looking at him sincerely.

"What the hell..." Jungkook muttered. "That's pretty good advice."

"Jungkook, shouldn't you go before you're late?" Taehyung asked, walking back into the break room with a comb to brush Jungkook's hair with. He ran it through his tousled locks and smoothed them out. "Without me, you'd look like a poor person."

"Crap," Jungkook muttered and stood up. His shirt was buttoned incorrectly and he was wearing his jacket inside-out. "How do I look?"

Taehyung and Jimin shared a glance. "You look great," they replied in unison, smiling sweetly.

"Great." Jungkook beamed and gave them a thumbs-up. "Thanks guys, I'll let you know how it goes," he said quickly and rushed out the precinct before Namjoon saw him.

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"He's really preparing himself to hold her hand," Jimin said with a chuckle. "He's head-over-heels for her. It's so cute."

"Wait... hold her hand?" Taehyung asked, a horrified look plastering his face.

Jimin frowned. "Yeah, why?"

"I thought he wanted to do the dirty so I've been preparing him for that!" Taehyung exclaimed.

Jin barked a laugh from his desk, his windshield-wiper laugh scaring an old lady next to him who was asking him to track down the man who stole her purse. Jin hit his knee and doubled over, cackling as if Taehyung had said the funniest thing ever.

Then, Jin went completely silent, his face void of any amusement. "God save him."

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Jungkook decided it was best to start the date simple. He took her on a walk around the park, hoping they'd click and strike up some sort of conversation. Unfortunately, she was the silent type, and he felt too awkward around her.

A deep blush rose to Jungkook's face. "Is it okay... if I hold your hand?" he asked, glancing at her nervously.

"Yeah," the girl said with a beaming smile.

"Great." Jungkook grinned but before she took his hand, he pulled out a condom from his pocket and tore the cover off, stretching it wide so he could squeeze his hand inside. "Gotta use protection first."

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"Let me get this straight. You disobeyed protocol and left your shift to go on a date, and you're coming back like this? Are you crazy?" Namjoon asked Jungkook with a slight raise of his brow.

Jungkook was soaked head-to-toe in pond water. After he put protection over his hand, his date screamed at him (quite angrily) and then pushed him into the pond. Henceforth, he came to the conclusion that she really did not like using protection.

"In my defense, I was trying to promote safe physical contact," Jungkook argued.

Namjoon gave him a look of disgust. "I... I don't want to know what you do with girls in your free time, Officer Jeon. However, I will let this slide this one time considering how pathetic you look."

Jungkook sulked. "Thanks, Captain."

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AUTHOR'S NOTE:

I'll respond to everyone tomorrow :') I love reading your comments uwu

I hope this chapter isn't too messy and chaotic. Look forward to more chapters!