"Sir, you can't just hand in a phone as your proof of workplace bullying," the HR employee told Jimin.
"I told you, I've had enough with this groupchat!" he exclaimed. "First, they create a groupchat without the Captain, and then Taehyung accidentally leaks his nudes!"
The employee sighed. "I need to see actual proof."
Jimin frowned. "I'll show you the texts."
━━━━━━━━
Monday 4:47 PM
Captain Namjoon
Officer Jeon. Come to my office.
Tuesday 12:02 PM
Captain Namjoon
Officer Jeon, please see me
in my office.
Wednesday 2:18 PM
Captain Namjoon
Officer Jeon, I need to see you
in my office right now.
Thursday 11:39 AM
Captain Namjoon
Jeon.
━━━━━━━━
"So... what's the issue?" the employee asked, completely and utterly done with the tiny, complaining man.
"He only texts Jungkook!" Jimin exclaimed.
"Sir, that sounds like a personal problem."
"No, no, wait," Jimin replied. "It got worse. Since he was only addressing Jungkook because Jungkook's a dumbass, the officers made another group chat."
The employee blinked. "And what about it?"
Jimin shuddered. "Let me show you."
━━━━━━━━
Thursday 6:31 PM
Stupid Sarge
You see, I don't get it.
Why is everyone concerned over who's
top and who's bottom?
I'd be glad just to have a bunk bed.
Yoongi
I'm gonna fucking tell him.
Taehyung
Fucking don't.
Jungkook
I hope Sarge never has kids.
Yoongi
We're naming them Sope
and Yoonji so fuck you.
Taehyung
Lmao wow
Imagine naming your kid "soap"
Jin
Name them XX and XY
for their chromosomes
Jungkook
None of you should have kids...
Jin
You speak as if anyone would
ever go for your micropenis ass
Jimin
Can someone help me
The police car I took out is
overheating on the freeway.
I'm in danger
Jungkook
Your car is overheating
on the freeway?
Tragic.
Follow my Spotify
@jeonjungkook7
━━━━━━━━
Last Tuesday 8:09 PM
Jin
Why did I train to be an officer?
Fuck these annoying moms
Like sorry your daughter
assaulted another girl, Carol, now
hop off my fucking dick.
Taehyung
Who assaulted who?
Yoongi
Send the video.
Stupid Sarge
No! Do not share any videos
Jin... you shouldn't even
have taken a video.
Jin
I'm going to stop being an
atheist and start becoming
a satanist to sell Sarge to the
devil so I can fucking breathe
Yoongi
Let me have Sarge
I'd sell the corporate educational
system corrupting our futures
and society just so the district
can earn more money from the state.
Jungkook
Holy shit
(Btw Spotify @jeonjungkook7)
━━━━━━━━
Last Friday 5:18 PM
Jungkook
So if I said I accidentally
taped a "kick me" to the
back of Captain's shirt,
how would you guys react?
Taehyung
Talented, brilliant, incredible,
amazing, show-stopping,
spectacular, never-the-same,
totally unique, completely
never been done before,
unafraid to reference or
not reference, put it in a
blender, shit on it, vomit
on it, eat it, give birth to it.
Yoongi
When I wake up
Throughout the day,
I constantly think about
how much I want to die.
And it's your guys' faults.
Jungkook
Unfortunate.
Follow my Spotify
@jeonjungkook7
Yoongi
Delete yourself before
I delete you.
━━━━━━━━
Last Friday 9:55 PM
Taehyung
Who's down to get dinner?
Stupid Sarge
Me!
Jimin
Sure
Yoongi
What kind of food?
Taehyung
Thai sounds good right now
Stupid Sarge
Thai food isn't even spicy
Yoongi
My thigh is spicy
Stupid Sarge
What?
Yoongi
Nothing.
Taehyung
I know you guys do
this shit in person
but Sarge...
You can read.
Dumbass.
Stupid Sarge
I'm your boss, don't
call me a dumbass
Taehyung
My bad, dumbass
Jimin
Are we getting fucking
dinner or not
━━━━━━━━
Last Monday 2:03 AM
Jungkook
What the fuck is Gillette??
My boyfriend asked
me to buy him one??
I'm sooo drunk rn
Jin
It's a deer, dipshit
Stupid Sarge
Jin, that's a gazelle
Why are you guys awake?
Jungkook you don't
have a boyfriend
Jungkook
Bruh what
Who the fuck is Jimin then?
Jimin
Bitch.
What the fuck are you on?
Taehyung
What the hell is
happening
Jungkook and Jimin
are finally dating?
Jimin wants a razor??
For what? His peach fuzz?
Jimin
Bitch.
You're laughing now but I
know for a fact you've never
picked up a razor
Jungkook
Who the fuck am I
━━━━━━━━
The employee sighed deeply and turned to Jimin, wondering how he was going to formulate his words to make the short officer understand.
"Sir, this is not substantial evidence of workplace bullying," he answered.
Jimin's eyes widened and he thrust the phone in his direction. "But I showed you all the messages!"
"I just want to know why you have the Sergeant down as 'Stupid Sarge,'" he replied.
Jimin slowly put down the phone, slipping it back into his pocket without taking his eyes off of the employee. "I was never here," he said.
"Good, now go," the employee replied and sighed in relief as Jimin hurried off.
I need a new job, he thought.
YOU ARE READING
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
FanfictionWhen Kim Namjoon becomes the commanding officer of Brooklyn's 99th precinct, he soon realizes that with the job comes babysitting six chaotic officers. ━━━━━━━━ "I didn't know tazing the microwave would start...
