Target Run {Billie Eilish}

Break Down

Listen before I go- Billie Eilish

10:27 P.M.
[Los Angeles, California]
[Krissy]
The night after dinner with the O'Connell's

TRIGGER WARNING

Turning on the songs that Billie sent me, I listen to them all the way through before actually going through and brainstorming each song individually.

"I have taken out my Invisalign and this is the album..." Bil And Finneas erupt in laughter as I sit there, adoring Billie's laugh.

I'm brainstorm the first track for a minute or so, only coming up with a black and white scheme. Maybe some devil horns of some sort.

I click the next one, xanny. This song is slower and makes me think about how it feels to be the only sober one at a party.

The next one is all the good girls go to hell. I immediately think of more devil horns and a halo. I continue to listen and brainstorm.

When I get to listen before I go, it takes me a second to realize what the song is about. The more I listen to it, the more emotional I get. By the end of the song, I'm bawling. It's like she wrote this about me. I replay the song, bringing back memories of that night.

"Take me to the rooftop. I wanna see the world when I stop breathing, turning blue."

I climb out my window and onto the roof. I lay down and gaze at the sky with tears constantly crawling down my cheeks. I hold the bottle of pills tightly in my hand.

"Leave me like you do."

Lola just left me. She's all I had left. She couldn't take dating a depressed girl. Just thinking about it, more tears run down my face. I hear a ding on my phone and hesitantly pick it up.

Baby: I'm sorry. I wish it didn't have to be like this.

Sad freak: don't worry, baby. I'll be gone soon.

Baby: what? Baby what are you talking about?

Sad freak: there's no need to worry now. Can't save me now :)

Baby: I'm coming over. DONT DO ANYTHING BABY.

I read the text and leave her on read, swallowing the last of my pills. Minutes later everything goes black.

I wake up to bright lights and a clean smell. No. Shit, no. I'm in a hospital. No, no, no, this can't be happening. I don't want this to happen. I can't go through this life anymore.

I smash the space bar on my laptop to make the music stop. I let out a shaky breath that turns into a gross sob. I get up and walk to my bathroom. I feel weak and broken, yet numb. I slowly open my drawer and reach for my razor.

Shit.

She threw it away.

I gulp and walk out of my bathroom and to my garage. I go to the drawer where my dad keeps his spare blades for things. I grab two and walk back into the house.

"Hey Kris, I'm going ou- What the fuck was that?" Kaleb asks as I stop dead in my tracks and rush to hide the razors.

He starts walking towards me, but I run past him, catching him off guard. I run up the stairs and into my bathroom, locking myself in. Soon, I hear banging on the door.

"Let me in! Krissy, please. Don't do anything. Please, Krissy OPEN THE DOOR!" He pleads, raising his voice. I gulp as he continues to bang on the door. I take the razors out of my pocket and raise it to my skin. As I slice, the banging stops. I stop dead in my tracks as he says,

"I'm calling Billie."

"Go ahead. She won't care. No one ever does." I sob.

"I thought you were over this. Krissy please open the door."

"No!" I scream, slicing again.

"Krissy, open the damn door! I'm about to kick this door open if you don- BILLIE, THANK GOD." I hear him sigh. "She's in the bathroom with two razors and she won't let me in."

I yelp as I cut a little deep, blood spilling over the floor.

"KRISSY NO!" He bangs on the door again.

The phone is slid under the door and I see Billie is still on the phone.

"Krissy, please pick up."

"What?" I ask, picking up the phone. I'm not buying the nice act.

"Krissy please put the razors down. I'm on my way right now, I'm almost there baby, just please open the door for Kaleb. I know he's been a dick but he does love you. Please." She pleads. You can hear the hurt and the tears through the phone.

I sigh and put the razors down. I get up and walk to the door. I unlock it, but don't open it, sitting on the floor again. Kaleb immediately barges in and looks at me. He bends down and grabs the phone.

"Thanks for helping me. Okay, just let yourself in. Okay, bye." He hangs up the phone and engulfs me in a hug.

A minute or so later, I hear loud foot steps running up the stairs. Kaleb lets go as he sees Billie and leaves.

She lays her eyes on me and immediately plops down in front of the sobbing, crying, tired, numb, sad girl that is me. She has a few tears sliding down her beautiful face. I did that to her?

"Oh my god, Krissy, stop doing this to me!" She scolds softly, grabbing the nearest towel and dabbing it at my wounds. She gets up and walks over to the sink. She dampens the towel and sits back down in front of me. She starts cleaning my arm, but my last cut won't stop bleeding.

"What made you do this to yourself?" She asks, holding the towel to my arm.

"I, uh, something brought up, uh, m-memories of a time that I tried to, y'know, die." I say.

After a few minutes of her waiting for it to stop bleeding, it stops and she looks me dead in the eyes. "You tried to- you know what, that doesn't matter. As long as you're here now. What brought it up?"

"I-I don't think I can answer that." I say, scared of how she'll react to the fact that it was one of her songs.

"Why not?" She asks gently.

"I, uh, it was, it was nothing." I lie.

"Obviously it wasn't nothing."

"It was your song." I blurt.

"What?"