Self Dominance

Self Domination Part 9

"As I go and attempt to learn something new, I hope that you all have the opportunity to do the same. And until next time, take it easy, guys, gals, and nonbinary pals! Peace out!"

I

Every day was the same for Anxiety. It had been that way ever since 1994. He and his friends would stay the same, in one place, having plans but never able to achieve them. 

He always blamed the light sides. They're all just so... perfect. They take who they are for granted. He would've given anything to be like them, but that's not who he is, and he can't change that, no matter how hard he tries. 

He never asked to be despised by Thomas, because the more he hated him, the more he hated himself. All he wanted was to protect him. 

But, unfortunately, he couldn't bring himself to leave his friends. Anxiety took his black cape off the chair in his room and hooked the chain to the button; whenever he connected that cape across his chest, he was reminded that he's the bad guy of the story. 

He wished he could've been a part of Thomas's childhood. He had never helped him for a science test like Logan, instead, he told him he was going to fail. Thomas had never ran into his arms with tears in his eyes, needing comfort. 

When he thought of this, he could almost hear the muffled sobs and whimpers against his chest, and feel the wetness seeping through his shirt. Of course, the sides never aged alongside Thomas. Anxiety could never imagine what being a kid was like. 

The worst part is, at such a young age, Anxiety was constantly the villain. Sure, he was always there to make Thomas uneasy, but he wondered what it would be like to have his trust at a young age. Maybe they would be closer now if he did. 

 After looking at himself in the mirror for a few minutes, Anxiety sat on his bed and stared at the T.V. The screen was a hazy static, yet he didn't look away. "You look intrigued." Said a voice from behind. 

Anxiety turned his head and saw Deceit standing in the doorway, only he had no yellow color yet; his clothing was mostly grey and black, just like Anxiety's.

"Yeah." Anxiety said in his dull, brooding voice. Deceit sits next to him on the bed and they both stare at the T.V together. Only, Deceit isn't as mesmerized by it as Anxiety is.

"You could be doing better, more interesting things with your time. Why do you love looking at the static T.V so much?" Deceit asked.

"I guess it's because... when I do things I normally do, like listening to music, talking with you and our friends-"

"Watching porn-" Deceit snickered.

"Shut up, I don't watch porn!" They both laughed. Ah, the fun of ridiculing friends. 

Anxiety looked back at the screen once he was done laughing. "But basically, when I do things I'm used to doing, and I've already thought about it, so I don't think about it again, it kind of numbs me. But this, I can just watch. No thinking is there in the first place, so it doesn't feel as bad when it numbs me. And maybe if I continue watching, I'll lose the traits that worry me."

"God, how are you so edgy?" Deceit playfully asked.

"I learn from the best." Anxiety smirked at him.

"Okay, sweetie," Deceit stood up and walked towards the door. "If you need me, I'll be in my room, writing ryden smut."

"Okay, you do that." As Deceit left his room, Anxiety sighed and collapsed backwards on to the bed. He looked up at the glowing spider stickers on his ceiling that he put up there years ago.