Dying Inside(Discontinued)

Faking a smile

The ninja stared down at me, a dark look in their eyes. Their mouths were turned up into twisted smiles. I whimpered lightly as tears fell down my face. Nya kneeled by me. "Poor little Lloyd." She stood and placed one foot on my hand, making it hurt. I'm 99% sure that it's broken. She giggled lightly, then became serious. "Too bad you're too weak to fight back!" Suddenly, Jay's foot collided with my head. I yelped as pain shot through me. Cole then grabbed me by my hair and threw me against the wall. I groaned. "P-please s-s-stop!" Kai smirked, touching one of the cuts on my cheek. "Nah!" I closed my eyes. I pulled memories from my mind. Me and my family back when we were close. I came out of it just as Zane broke a glass bottle on my head before Kai dropped me. I fell to the floor in a mess of arms and legs. Blood washed down my forehead, getting in my eyes. The world whirled into darkness as consciousness was taken from my grasp.

I woke in the morning. The suns warm rays felt cold to me. I slowly stood and made my way to my room. I pulled on my clothes. A pair of black Jeans, a very dark gray hoodie with a black skull on the front, black knee high boots and black fingerless gloves. I put my hair in it's usual style. The shock collar kinda looked like a choker when I hid it under this hood. I stared at the mirror for a moment before leaving my room and walking into the living room. There was still blood on the table from where I had hit it. I sighed before grabbing a rag and got it barely wet. I then wiped off the blood. As I looked up, the others walked in. Kai wore a red t-shirt that said "Savage" on the front in white, dark blue Jean's that had holes in the knees, and red and white tennis shoes. He held a cigarette in one hand and put it to his mouth, sucking in, then breathing out the smoke. His brown hair was spiked up, the tips dyed red. His raspberry eyes were filled with a dark look, a scar on his right eye. He worked at a bar. Nya stood by him. She wore a blue crop top, gray shorts, and black flip flops. She held a bag in one arm. Her black hair was in a ponytail, her light blue eyes covered by a pair of sunglasses. She worked as a lifeguard at the beach. Zane wore a light blue sweater,  white Jean's, black dress shoes, and a pink apron. His robotic blue eyes glowed and his white hair was in a crew cut. He was a chef. Cole wore a dark blue tanktop with a white music note on the front. He had black Jean's with holes all over and brown boots that didn't reach his knees. His black hair was in a bun, his dark brown eyes dark. A pair of headphones hung from his neck. He worked as a DJ. Jay had a blue shirt with elbow length sleeves, with a lighter blue lightning bolt along the buttons, black Jean's, and blue dress shoes. His usually curly bitten hair was slick and in a strange hairstyle. His dark blue eyes gleamed. He worked as a game show host. All the ninja had jobs, except me. I had school. Nya smiled at me, causing me to shiver. I quickly grabbed my bag and ran out of the small house. I looked up at the sky. Bright, blue, no clouds. Wow, so beautiful.

I'm sorry if I sound so, unexcited. The thing is, I'm just in a dark place, darker then usual. You see, just over two months ago, I got diagnosed with Depression. My case: Major. I go to therapy once a week, if I'm lucky. I take anti-depressants to help, but it doesn't do much. I feel so empty, so sad, so lost in life. I rarely sleep, rarely eat, have no will to do any type of activities, don't have any energy to do things, I have trouble concentrating, and my self esteem is obviously gone. This is why I am suicidal I'm guessing, since Depression can lead to suicidal actions. Of course, my friends don't care. The only reason I got diagnosed was because one of my teachers was concerned and made my "family" take me to the hospital. There, I was diagnosed. Now, my grades are slipping due to my struggle to concentrate. It's my last year, the year I graduate, but I fear that I won't. I mean, it doesn't really matter. Even if I graduate, I'll be forced to live with them still, be ause we have to be close if trouble comes, though I'm not much help. Lately, my illness has made being a ninja hard. My fans have noticed something's wrong with me. My classmates notice my strange behavior, but no one other then my "family" knows. I think I know why I have it. It can be caused by high levels if stress, seems about right. I just want it to end. I hate feeling so empty, so sad. I want it to end, hence my suicide attempts, but I don't have the strange to let myself die, but I want to!! I just want to be free from everything! I'm sick of it. I sigh. I can't even end myself, how pathetic.

I stare down at my math assignment, trying to understand. The teacher explained, but my inability to focus had me stuck. Suddenly, I heard the teacher from by my desk. "Hey Lloyd, do you need some help?" He spoke gently. I immediately pulled away from him. After more than two years of abuse, I had also lost my ability to trust. I looked up at the teacher, fear shotting through me. I forced a smile. It hurt to smile, it made me feel a strange pain, but I did it all the time. "Um, I'm good! Thanks for asking!" He sighed. "Well, if you need any extra help, you can talk to me after school." As he walked away, I dropped the smile. I didn't deserve help. I was pathetic, worthless.