Patience

21

I suddenly woke up covered in sweat and breathing heavily. I looked on the clock: 3am. Was that all a dream?
I looked beside me. No one was in my room, so that must have been a dream.
I covered my face with my hands.
"I'm a bad human! I am a bad girlfriend!", I yelled at myself.
I started crying again, even though I told myself not to cry because of Shawn or any other relationship stuff.
I went into the bathroom to have a shower. I couldn't sleep so I used the time to get rid of all the sweat.
The warm water flow over my body. I flipped my hair back and got shampoo on it. I massaged it into my hair and thought about what to do next.
"Uh you waited so long. Sometimes it's hard to stand out.", I started singing.
"My song" that thought formed a smile on my lips.
I stepped out of the shower and got my towel on.
I got dressed and walked into the kitchen. It was 5am and I had my breakfast.
I was tired but I couldn't sleep. "If I sleep, I'll dream", I thought and I didn't want to dream about Shawn again. "I have to tell Cameron and Shawn about my feelings", I told myself and as soon as I had my breakfast I texted them both to visit me at 3pm.
-3pm-
Cameron arrived punctual. I welcomed him and told him to take a seat. I waited for Shawn looking out of the window. I was scared that he wouldn't come. I had disappointed him...
After 15 minutes of waiting I finally saw his car. A few minutes later the doorbell rang again and I opened the door.
They both sat on the couch next to each other but leaving a bit space between them.
"Why are we here?", Shawn asked. "Yeah...", Cameron said.
"I am confused. I just want to understand my feelings guys. I know you both love me... but I can't love you both. I just can chose one"
"So you are choosing us like a pair of shoes?", Shawn asked, "y/n... it's enough. Cameron's your boyfriend and I-"
"SIT DOWN! I DID NOT ASK YOU!", I yelled and he immediately sat down. He looked scared into my eyes and I took a deep breath.
"I thought about my feelings for you, Cameron... and for you, Shawn", I started to say, "Cameron, you were there when I needed someone. You supported me and made me feel better. And you, Shawn, you were my first love, my friend, my Angel. You protected me under your wings. You were there in the past when I needed you the most, when my parents had their arguments. I had my first intimate experience with you"
Shawn smiled at me but Cameron was just looking at us two.
I was about to add something but he interrupted me.
"Y/n. You don't need to say anything more. I know that you still love Shawn... and even though it hurts, I want you to be together with him to be happier and feel more free. You gave me such a great time, but now it's your turn to be completely happy."
His words made me melt. He was so cute and understanding. I loved him for that.
"Thank you, Cam. Can we be friends again?", I asked him.
"Whatever you want me to be.", he smiled.
"But I can't stay here anymore. I have to go home, back to America and to my family"
I nodded, "be happy, Cameron. You deserve it the most"
He stood up and I guided him to the door. I gave him a last kiss on the lips and as our lips parted I looked into his beautiful eyes. He winked at me and before I knew it, he was gone.
I went into the living room where Shawn was.
I ran towards him, jumped on him sitting on him and wrapping my legs around his waist.
"I love you", I said as I gave him kisses all over his face. He gave me a hug and I felt tears on my breast.
"Shhh, it's ok. We're back together. Don't make me cry", I said stroking his head. But I couldn't help it, I started crying, but this time out of happiness. We both started laughing looking into each other's with tears filled eyes.
After all the time I chose Shawn... again.