what is meant

7

The next day I was up way too early. I had set an alarm for 9am, knowing that would be plenty of time to freshen up before Daveed showed up. My body decided that 7:30am was the perfect time to start panicking and wake me up. My anxiety was rapid today, making me second guess everything that I agreed to with this photoshoot. It wasn't that I didn't trust Daveed, or myself, I just knew this was out of my usual activity. It didn't help that Daveed made my heart skip as soon as I thought about him.

I still held off on getting ready, laying in bed for as long as possible trying to calm myself by bingeing Queer Eye and ate some breakfast. When 9am rolled around I lifted myself out of bed and dragged myself to the bathroom to start getting ready. I freshened my face with some primer and turned on my curling iron. I threw some big curls in my hair, giving it texture rather than leaving it flat. To fix my face, I covered my skin with a sheer layer of foundation and applied mascara to my lashes, adding a bit of highlight to my brow bone and my cheeks.

9:30am. Shit, now I have to spend my time waiting and getting dressed. I exited the bathroom and walked to my dresser, searching for clothes. Keeping it simple, I grabbed a plain white t-shirt and a light washed, ripped skinny jean. To amp it up a bit I put on a lacy black demi bra before my t-shirt. My reflection stared back at me in the mirror. I covered my face and exhaled loudly.

"Calm down Sophia..." I spoke softly to myself, trying to calm my nerves.

A knock sounded sharply at my door. 9:45am. So, he was a bit early. A bit of relief in my eyes. I sauntered to the door and opened it. Daveed stood there, smiling softly. He kept it casual today, wearing jeans and an Oakland sweater. His hair was pulled back in a bun, glasses present on his face.

"Good morning Sophia," he spoke softly. My heart fluttered as I grinned back, my head resting on my door.

"Good morning. Please, come in." I opened the door and motioned for him to enter. He had a bag slung over his shoulder, where I assumed, he kept his camera. I closed the door and followed him into my apartment. He was glancing around, taking in the surroundings.

"Sorry, it's sort of messy and isn't exactly the nicest, but its home. Well, temporarily." I said with a soft chuckle. He shook his head.

"Nah, this is beautiful. Perfect natural lighting. Better than my hotel room." He commented as he set his bag down on the counter.

"Can I grab you a drink or anything?" I offered as he began to put together the camera.

"A water should be great," he said as he focused on the task at hand. I filled a cup with water and set it in front of him. I let him get everything ready, watching him intently. Once he was ready, he looked up at me and smiled softly.

"I'm ready when you are," he said as I stared at him, nodding to signify I was ready. "Let's start...over by the windows." He led the way to a clear spot in the windows.

"Face the window," he directed. "Then don't look at the lens, just keep looking outward. Keep your face relaxed." I followed his instructions the best I could, pressing my hands softly on the cold pane of glass and letting my face relax. I switched glances between the outdoors and things lying just outside my window.

Daveed sighed softly. I turned and looked at him. Great. You fucked up already.

"You need to loosen up. I think I have an idea that might help. Do you have a playlist you like to listen to to help you relax or get stuff done?" I nodded and reached for my phone beside him. It was already connected to a Bluetooth speaker I had, so I pressed shuffle and let the music play. Without Me by Halsey came on; Daveed nodded slowly to the beat.

"Sorry, some of my music is kind of basic." I chuckled softly. He grinned back at me and picked up the camera.

"Whatever helps you relax, beautiful."

His suggestion definitely helped. As the music continued, I loosened up more, varying my poses and expressions more. Young And Beautiful by Lana del Rey came on, this boosted my confidence a lot. I pulled gingerly on the edge of my white t-shirt, pulling it up my stomach slightly as I put my back against the window, leaning on it gently. My fingers coursed through my curled hair as I arched my back slightly with it against the window pane. For a change I looked dead into the lens, making my eyes half lidded with sexual undertones. I heard the camera snapping repeatedly. I pulled my bottom lip down gently with my index finger, offering a small smile as I continued to look at the lens. 

"Now, if you're comfortable enough, how about you move to the bed. Since you have a white duvet cover it can make for some classy shots."

I suddenly got a bit nervous again and began to be apprehensive, but I knew Daveed wasn't going to make me uncomfortable. The music was still going and I let the confidence wash back over me as I kneeled on the bed, turning my back to him first, slowly pulling off my top.

Uh, who is this Sophia? Why did I think this was a good idea? Was I appearing more confident? More sexy? Like I was crazy? 

I continued anyways, leaving myself in my black lace demi bra. I leaned with my hands against my headboard, looking straight to the wall. He snapped a few photos of just my back before I turned toward him, glancing coyly over my shoulder. I turned back to face him and ran my hands through my hair, arching my back slightly. Who was this confident Sophia and where has she been my whole life?!

I then moved to lock my fingers in my belt loops, offering secretive grins to the lens as my gaze fell to the bed.

"Wow. Amazing Soph." He complimented as he put the camera down for a second, a grin lingering on his mouth. "Do you want to try laying on the bed? I'll shoot over top?"

Well this is getting adventurous...

I nodded softly and complied to his wishes. I laid on my back while Daveed stood on his feet, straddling over top of me to shoot from my waist up. I framed my face with my hands, staring intently in the camera lens. I attempted to radiate confidence through my eyes as I flipped between grins and biting my bottom lip.

As if things couldn't get anymore more awkward, or maybe serendipitous, Say No To This came on. I blushed deeply and covered my face with my hands as I chuckled softly. Daveed didn't stop shooting, he just laughed along. I peered out through two of my fingers, watching the lens carefully.

"You know, part of me always wanted to play Maria." I commented as he shot.

"Really? You make a good Angelica though."

I shrugged my shoulders. As I continued to look at him. He then leaped off the bed and started taking pictures from the side, kneeling beside the bed and resting his elbows on it to steady the camera.

"Sorry, you have gorgeous eyes," he mentioned as he moved closer to me, making the lens zoom up on my eyes alone. I turned my head and looked into the camera, gazing longingly at it.

As a joke I sang along to Maria's part of the song

"Stay..." I sang softly.

"Hey..." he spoke back with a soft tone, holding the camera in one hand, playing along with me as the song continued. 

"Hey..." I sang back again, carrying on the song, gazing into his eyes intensely.

Before I could process anything, his lips were on mine.