what is meant

18

Ivy had gotten back to me quickly later in the evening, saying she had found me a doctor to go see in the area. The appointment was a few days away and it was heavily suggested that I remain off stage while I waited to see the doctor. I was the only one left sick in the cast and we didn't need another round of illness ripping its way through us all. The days I spent off stage were full of couch time and catching up on some reading, when I wasn't spewing my guts up that is. I felt weaker than I ever had before, despite all the sleep. My eyes still looked sunken and tired. The only food I seemed to be able to keep down was toast and soda water.

Daveed was concerned about my well-being, but his busy schedule kept him away from me. Phone calls and the occasional text were our sole forms of contact as I sat on the couch. I missed him. There was no reason for him to be there with me, yet I yearned to have him even check my temperature with the back of his strong hands. My nerves were calmed each evening as we spoke on the phone. I would usually fall asleep to his gravelly voice

When the day of my appointment finally arrived, I had finally started to feel better. I didn't feel nauseous; I felt well and awake and ready to take on the day and get back to work. I had contemplated not even going to the appointment, but figured it was a good idea to get a check-up anyways. Since it was the last couple weeks of May the weather had finally taken a turn for the better. I wore jeans with a long sleeve sweater, representing my favourite hockey team, to keep myself warm and comfortable on the trek to the office. The walk wasn't long and I was happy to be out in the fresh air, knowing it would make a difference in my mood. What I wasn't expecting was to feel the swirl in my stomach, nausea prickling at my throat again. I slowed myself, but my stomach was not in agreement with anything I was doing. My eyes dashed around looking for any receptible to spew my guts into. Thankfully there was a garbage can just a few feet from me. I bolted for it and felt my stomach heave, almost nothing coming out as I had barely eaten. So much for being better I guess.

I arrived with plenty of time to spare; I am a chronically early person. I gave my name to the receptionist and sat in the blank and bare waiting room. Skimming emails seemed like the appropriate past time while waiting for the doctor. Ivy had passed along some final drafts of interviews as well as some things she was hoping to line up when we moved on to Louisville for the next leg of the show. The life of a travelling actor was tedious sometimes, but always worth it to pour your soul into a character 8 times a week.

"Sophia?" I heard my name called by a rumbly, male voice as I snapped my head up. The doctor, I assumed, had emerged from his office and was waving me to join him. I rose from my seat and approached him, giving him the small smile I usually greeted people with. As he closed the door he motioned to a chair across from his desk, which I obliged by sitting down. He had went back behind his desk and started clicking at his mouse attached to his desktop.

"So, your agent, Ivy?" he questioned as I nodded in agreement. "Yes, she reached out and made this appointment. I understand you aren't feeling well." he continued as he looked over his computer screen.

"A flu kind of ripped through the cast of the production I'm in. It seems like everyone was able to shake it, except me."

"Do you have any known illnesses or has this occurred before?" My mind wandered, trying to think if this had happened before. I ended up shaking my head.

"I have never experienced anything like this before, to be honest." The doctor nodded gingerly as I spoke.

"Okay, let's go over symptoms then."

I started rhyming things off with ease. "For the most part I've just been getting sick, throwing up, lots. I can't eat very much because my stomach just doesn't want to hold it in. I don't have a fever or anything, no real body aches out of the ordinary. Really, really tired...no matter how much I sleep I can't shake the tiredness." I trailed off as the symptoms came to an end. "I honestly felt great this morning, until I started walking over here. I ended up getting sick again."

The doctor was writing things down on a slip of paper, nodding along as I spoke. He took off his glasses and looked at me. "What is the chances you could be pregnant?"

I was taken aback. My heart kind of stuttered. I nervously laughed. This guy can't be for real. This is a joke. Right?

"Uh, what would that have to do with it?" I asked with apprehension dripping from my voice.

"Well those are typical early signs for pregnancy," he shrugged his shoulders. "What about your cycles?" With that mention I blushed deeply. My thoughts began to rove, thinking of my last period. It was...wait...

"It should have started at the beginning of this week...But I think it's just late, the stress of the show can do that," I trailed off, trying to defend myself in my own mind.

The doctor turned his chair and rummaged through a drawer behind him. After the drawer shut he turned and gave me a box.

"I suggest you take this and we can move forward from there. Even if the cycle is just late we can at least rule it out. There is a bathroom back down the hall," he gestured. "Take your time and I will just be here."

A pregnancy test. I took the box from him, nodding very softly as I shoved it in my sweater pocket. Though my legs felt like jelly they somehow carried me through to the bathroom. I stood in the mirror and looked myself over. My sleepy eyes stared back at me. I drew the box out of my pocket and turned it over and over in my hands, carefully, as if I were to mishandle it the results would be affected.

"This won't be positive." I whispered to my reflection, willing it into reality. I did what I needed to do and washed my hands in scalding water as I waited. The couple of minutes felt like a couple of hours as I paced nervously along the walls. Cracking my knuckles to pass the time. Blinking slowly to pass the time. Doing anything to pass the time. After the allotted time had passed I grabbed the test off the counter, but kept my eyes tightly shut. My hands shook like leaves as my breath became ragged. I counted down in my head, preparing myself to look at the results.

Three...

Two...

One!

...

Two...

Two lines.